Chapter 13

I know, I know. This took forever. I get sidetracked easily, kind of like some kind of story magpie. But this seems like a perfect way to tie this one up.

“I’m not going to get through tonight,” I sigh, wiping at my eyes and reaching for the loose powder for about the third time.

“Here, let me, your hands are shaking.” Looking at Daze with her barely there baby bump makes my eyes fill again and she rolls her eyes and tips her head to the side, waiting for me to get my emotions under control. 

“You’re going to be fine. This is just one more concert, no big deal.”

“You’re kidding, right?” I sniff, reaching for a tissue and dabbing at my eyes with it. “I can’t believe you’re really doing this. That you’re really going to abandon me.” Daze shakes her head again and I know what she’s going to say before she actually says it out loud. We’ve been over this a dozen times or more over the last few months and we both know she isn’t going to change her mind. Especially not now that she’s pregnant. Still her maternal instincts are already kicking in and I sit still while she fusses over me.

“You’re doing a duet with Lauri Ylönen next week and the label is putting a band together for you and you’re still going to have Duncs. You don’t need me wobbling around, getting in the way. You definitely don’t need a little sprog throwing up on your sexy outfits,” she adds, running her fingers over the leather edging on my crushed velvet deep purple and black corset. “This would so not stand up to spoiled milk upchuck.”

“And how do you think Max is going to stand up to a little barf?” I ask and this soft expression comes over her face and suddenly her gaze is far away and I know she’s thinking about him. Her eyes do that every time she thinks about him. “Do I do that?” I ask, watching her reflection in the mirror. She blinks twice and then stares at me like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. “When I think about Jordan...do I look like that? Do I get all...I don’t know what you’d call it...all fucking doe eyed.”

“Not all the time,” she replies, refocusing on me and then leaning her chin in the middle of the top of my head, “but yeah, sometimes you do.”

“It’s why you’re doing it isn’t it?” I ask, looking at reflection, at how calm she looks. “This is why you’re quitting isn’t it? You don’t want to be away from Max like I am with Jordan.” Daze wrinkles her nose and looks back at me like I’ve just spoken in gibberish.

“If anything we’re making up for lost time. Not like you and Jay boy. You guys have all that history, all that time behind you. I mean, when you two are together it’s like, “ she tips her head to the side and looks thoughtful, “I don’t know how to explain it but you’re so...so comfortable with him, like you don’t have to talk, even though you practically finish each other’s sentences.”

“We do?” Since Jordan got back on the ice, it feels like I’ve hardly seen him, especially in comparison to the amount of time that Max and Daze have been sneaking off to meet each other. Not that I begrudge her any of the time. I’m just jealous. Hey, at least I’m honest.

“Puhleeeze,” she rolls her eyes at me again and goes back to fixing my make-up. “You two settle in together right away. Max and I are still getting used to each other, figuring things out, adjusting to each other. You two don’t have to do that,” she adds, carefully pressing the powder puff to my cheeks, covering up the tracks of my tears, “you have this emotional short hand. I bet you know what he’s thinking most of the time without him having to tell you, right?” I don’t even have to think about that. Of course I do and I’m pretty sure it’s the same for him.

“Just because we ‘get each other’,” I flash the bunny ears around those words because they seem cliché and because I’m not sure if those are the words to actually describe what I have with Jordan, “doesn’t mean that we can be the tiny percentage of people that can make a long distance relationship work.”

“So that’s what this is about,” Daze stands back to survey her handiwork, this compassionate sort of maternal look on her face. I’m not ever going to get used to her being like that. What the hell did Max do to my best friend? “You’re worried that now you’ve finally given in and admitted that you’re all moooshy for one another that you’re going to fuck it up.” There isn’t much point in denying it and I’ve never kept anything from Daze anyways.

“He says he’s a one woman man now but you know what they say, while the cat’s away.... I mean...your boy isn’t exactly an angel either is he?” It’s a spiteful thing to say and I’m sorry I do the minute I let the words escape my lips but it’s too late to take them back. Fortunately she isn’t phased by my bitchy comment.

“Well, I intend to give him enough reason not to stray and if there’s one thing I’ve noticed about those Staal boys, it’s that once they’re tied down, they’re solid as the rocks in their heads,” she grins and then puts the powder puff down. “I know you picked Marc before because you never believed that Jordan would be ready to be yours and yours alone but I’ve seen him with you Kens and that boy...he loves you to pieces. If I was him, I’d worry about you.” 

_______________________________________________________________________

“Whatchadoin?” I don’t have to look up to know that our fearless leader is leaning over my shoulder. I also don’t try and shut down the web page I’m on either. In fact, I’m kind of glad to get his input.

“I’m trying to figure out what to say to Kens tonight,” I admit, looking down at the notes I’ve scribbled on the hotel note pad and then back up at the screen and sigh. “It all sounds so fucking fake. I don’t want to sound like a loser but...I don’t know what to say that won’t sound like it’s someone else’s idea. What did you say to Tabby?”

“Doesn’t matter what I said. You have to say whatever feels right to you,” he tells me and then reaches around and grabs the note pad. I watch him read it, watch him raise and lower his eyebrows, purse his lips, nod and then finally shrug. “Yeah, I guess any of this is good but...why don’t you just tell her why you want to marry her instead of all this romantic shit which, I mean c’mon let’s be honest, isn’t really your thing is it?”

“Yeah but...I mean that’s why I’m doing this,” I say indicating the screen of my lap top. “Shouldn’t I try to be, at least for this?”

“I dunno man. I think you’re already planning a pretty big gesture and I don’t really get that ring you got her but...I’m pretty sure she’ll be happy no matter what you do. I mean, you said yourself, this is a pretty rough night for her so you’re gonna make it better. I mean, if you really think she’ll say yes that is.” Sid’s quick reflexes have him dancing out of my reach before I can lay a punch on him. Not that I’d hurt him, much. Not this close to the season ending. If we’re going to get back on top, we’re going to need him in the playoffs.

“What’d I miss?” Max stands in the doorway smiling at both of us, looking from one to the other like an eager puppy waiting for someone to throw a Frisbee.

“Jordan’s popping the question,” Sid explains.

“Old news,” Max sighs and then throws himself on the bed. “Anyone wanna watch porn?”

“Seriously, what’s wrong with you? You have a perfectly good wife at home.” Sid laughs and then launches himself onto Max like he’s a pile of freshly raked fall leaves.   

“She’s pregnant and bitchy. I thought you’d be sympathetic,” Max groans and tries to wriggle free from the head lock Sid has him in.

“Try rubbing her feet, they like that,” Sid suggests, letting Max get free, which is a mistake. Max wrestled in high school and it only takes the blink of an eye for him to turn the tables and have Sid trying to tap out.

“Every time I rub her feet it ends up in us having sex and I want a kid, not a litter of puppies,” Max laughs, digging his knuckle into the top of Sid’s head.

“That’s not how it works!” Sid groans and elbows Max in the stomach.

“How can you be so sure mon ami? I apparently have super sperm, they got through a condom and she takes birth control and I still knocked her up. Sacre bleu!  I should be charging for stud service!” Like he’s just come up with a brilliant idea, he lets Sid go and stands up, looking thoughtful. Bad idea. Sid and I both pounce on him and drive him back onto the bed.

“Go near Kens with your super sperm and I’ll rip your dick off!” I growl, pulling my hand back, fist curled, ready to fly.

“How can I be your best man if you kill me?” he asks, trying to look innocent which is something he can never actually pull off and digging in his pocket like he’s got the ring, like I’d trust him with it.

“Like anyone would have you,” I laugh, sticking my index finger in my mouth, wetting it down good and then sticking it into his ear. “Ha! Wet Willie! Now, where’s my ring?” 

__________________________________________________________________

“Some of you know that this is Daze’s last night with us,” I announce, tears stinging in my eyes as I turn to send a half hearted glare at her while she raises her sticks in salute to the fans who are booing her leaving. No matter what she says, she’ll be missed.  “We’ve pretty much been the dynamic duo since we were in diapers, so having her leave is like having one of my arms cut off. I honestly don’t know how I’m gonna do this without you babe,” I add directly to her. She blows me a kiss. “But, what you don’t know is that Max Talbot from the Pittsburgh Penguins...,” the ‘boo birds’ come out and drown me out. I laugh and shake my head and hold the mic out for New York to have its say.  “That’s right Islanders fans, Talbot knocked her up. This is all his fault.” Just to add fuel to the fire our techs put up the video of Max fighting Matt Martin on the giant screen behind Daze and the arena erupts as they watch him skating in front of the Islander players in the box, taunting them. Laughing, Daze gets up, puts her sticks down on the snare drum and then gives the crowd the signal that she’s willing to take them all on. My eyes fill with tears. I’m gonna miss her like crazy. “Okay, okay,” I hold up my hands for a little quiet. “One last drum solo?” I ask her, expecting the lights to go down, the spot light to go on her and her kit. The lights do go down, but I’m still standing in a spot light while a mic appears in her hand.

“I’ll bring the place down in a minute but first, I just want to say that you’ve been the best friend a girl could ask for,” she tells me, still standing behind her drum kit. I wipe at my eyes with the back of my hand, smearing mascara and eyeliner in the process. “I’ll miss you like crazy but it’s gonna get a little hard for me to be back here,” she adds rubbing her stomach and smiling. “I’ll miss you, you crazy bitch,” she grins at me and then blows another kiss. Tears are streaming down my face now.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, enough of this kissy mushy shit.” Daze gets a funny look on her face and I turn at the sound of a familiar voice behind me to see Max strutting out onto the stage in his white, black and gold home jersey. He grins as the crowd boos like crazy, turning to wave to them which only makes them boo louder. “Yeah, I love you too,” he grins at them like he’s enjoying it. I turn to look up at Daze and she’s got this little smile on her face and I wonder if I ever look at Jordy like that, or if he ever looks at me like that, like that’s the only thing in the world that I need. “I’m very sorry I’m taking your friend away from you,” he says as he reaches the middle of the stage where I’m standing. He reaches for my hand and I let him take it. Just for a second I flash back to that hotel room, a year ago, and feel my entire face get warm. “Well, not that sorry, eh ma petite?” he adds with a glance back at Daze, the same sort of tender, adoring expression on his face. “But we both wish you nothing but the best, most success, n’est-ce pas mon amour?” Daze nods and holds her hands over her heart. I return the gesture.  “But we don’t want you to think that we’re leaving you alone, comprends?” I stare at him and shake my head. “You will,” he whispers just for me and then leans in to kiss my cheek before walking away, leaving me alone in the middle of the stage. All of the lights go off and then, with a dramatic drum roll, one spot light goes on with an audible clicking sound, illuminating Jordan’s golden hair and sky blue eyes.

I stare at him, my brain working overtime to try to make sense of their showing up out of the blue like this. They weren’t supposed to be here until the morning. I wish, just for a second that I was wearing a watch, sure that they should still be playing at MSG. He smiles, that big, boyishly easy grin that tells me he knows what I’m worrying about and he thinks it’s funny that I’m concerned about it because he’s obviously not.

“That’s right, we took a helicopter here right after the game to surprise you,” he says as he begins to walk slowly across the stage in his faded jeans and the Pens baby blue third jersey that intensifies the sunny summer sky colour of his eyes. I’m holding my breath and it’s so quiet that the crowd must be too. I guess Jordy hasn’t pissed the Islanders fans off quite as much as Max has. “So a lot of shit has gone down in the last year,” he says with that wide, tooth filled grin of his that makes his eyes crinkle at the corners. “I know that you had other things in mind for this summer,” he adds with a raise of one of his eyebrows that says what I’m glad he won’t say in front of the crowd, what he won’t remind me of in public, or in private for that matter. We don’t talk about Marc. “But I’m just wondering,” he continues as he comes to a stop just a step away from me, “if I can tempt you into spending the summer with me, on a beach maybe, at sunset, getting married.”

My heart lurches up into my throat as I watch my Jordy boy going down on one knee in front of me, holding his hand out towards me and slowly unfolding his long fingers to reveal a black velvet box sitting in the palm of his hand. He actually laughs when I burst into tears and drop the microphone because my hands are shaking so bad.

“Open it for crying out loud!” I hear Daze calling from somewhere behind me but for some reason her voice sounds disembodied. In fact I don’t hear the crowd either. Maybe it’s my blood buzzing in my ears but it’s like there’s nothing and no one else but my J-boy, that ring and my heart fluttering in my chest like a panicked bird.

“Yeah, go on, open it,” Jordan encourages me quietly, the mic sitting, turned off on the stage by his knee.

“I’m afraid I’ll drop it,” I tell him honestly, wiping my hands down the side of my thighs, which does little to alleviate the sudden case of sweaty palms I’ve developed. Not only are leather pants hot, tight and uncomfortable but they aren’t very absorbent either.  

“Then just say yes and I’ll put it on you myself.” 
________________________________________________________

I was so sure what her answer was going to be until I actually ask her to give it to me. Now, I’m on one knee in front of her, in front of hundreds...a thousand people maybe, and I’m shitting my pants waiting for her to say something.

Jesus, you’d think I’d have learned to be patient.

“Look, I almost lost you because I wasn’t willing to give up fucking around and being some kind of immature jackass. I almost let you marry my idiot boring ass brother. I don’t want to lose you Kens. I want everyone to know that you’re mine. So take this fucking ring and put it on and say yes so that I know you’re mine.”

It’s not romantic. It’s not even the big moment I thought it was going to be. It’s just me, asking my best friend if she’ll put up with me and I’m still shitting myself until she finally nods as her big, blue eyes fill up with tears and she grins down at me like I’ve done something super amazing which is so stupid because I’m just doing the only thing I can do. Want her. Want her so much it hurts.

I get up and I open the little box and she sobs out loud, this funny sound that’s happy and scared and sad all at the same time which almost makes me feel better.

“It’s so beautiful.” It’s not as big as the rock my brother had put on her hand but then Kens has never been that kind of girl.

“White gold and a black diamond, for my little Goth princess,” I whisper, pulling the ring out of the box and holding it out towards her. She’s clutching her hands to her chest and alternatively staring at the ring and then up at me. “You gonna let me put this on you or what?” Sniffing, she finally nods and then holds her hand out towards me. Her hand is visibly shaking and then I realize so is mine as I try and slip the ring on her finger. Her hand is so small and the vintage style band with the swoops and bows that frame the diamond look so tiny in my big, clumsy mitts that I’m afraid I’ll drop the ring or crush her finger or something. “Fuck, look at me. I’m supposed to have good hands or something,” I mutter. It makes her laugh, which is good.

“Eric’s the one with the soft hands,” she tells me as the ring finally slips onto her finger.

“Yeah, you always did like him best.” I try and look serious and fail as she turns those big sapphire orbs of hers’ up at me.

“That’s not true,” she sniffs, her eyes still glistening with tears even as she smiles up at me.

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” I whisper, taking both of her hands in mine and leaning in to kiss her.

“Doesn’t matter,” she whispers back just as my lips are about to press against hers’. “You’ve got me now.”

Chapter 12

“You can’t quit the band to be a WAG.” Crushed isn’t even the right word for the way I feel about the announcement that my best friend has casually made over lunch, like she’s saying she wants to get her nails done, not break up something that’s been both of our whole lives for as long as I can remember.

“Oh c’mon Kens, you and I both know that I’m not really that good a drummer and besides,” she tilts her head to one side and continues to look across the table at me with this elfin grin that hasn’t left her face for a week, “it’s been in the cards for a while now. It’s not just about Max. This is about you.”

“This is our band Daze. That’s why it’s called Thunder Daze. It would be like sawing apart Siamese twins,” I grumble, stabbing at one of the fries on the plate with my fork. I’d really wanted them, and they’re the kind I like, steak cut all hot and salty, but suddenly I have no appetite.

“Maybe for a while it will be babe but I realized something when we did that last video. You’re Gwen Stefani and we’re No Doubt now. No one gives a shit about those guys. I mean, can you name one of them? No, and that’s what Duncs and me and JT are for you now. We’re just background. It’s Gwen Stefani and No Doubt if they even mention the name of the band and that’s exactly what’s gonna happen to us and, well, we all kind of know it. You’re the only one who doesn’t see it.”

If I hadn’t already gone off my Turkey Bacon club, having had a few home truths delivered up cold had turned me off completely. I pushed my food around on the plate and tried to ignore the rising panic that was making my stomach churn and threatening to send the few bites I’d managed so far up the way they’d gone down.

“You’re my partner,” I said quietly, still staring at my plate.

“I’m your security blanket and you’ve got Jordy for that now,” she corrected me. “Hey, I don’t mind, honest. I like being in a band but you know I’ve never really liked all the glam shit anyway. I’ll probably be happier playing in a garage band in Pittsburgh and I guarantee the record company will be happier not having to include the rest of us. Besides,” she added, reaching across the table for my hand, “you’re the writer, the composer, the face of the band. You don’t need the rest of us.” I couldn’t imagine not being on the road with her. I couldn’t imagine not seeing her all the time.

“I don’t know how you can just make a huge decision like this in like...two days,” I sigh, knowing that I’ve got his little girl hopeful expression on my face. Daze smiles and holds my hand in both of hers’.

“I just married the most randy hockey player of all time didn’t I?” she grins and at the same time leaves my argument punched full of holes.

“That you did my friend. That you fucking did.” 

__________________________________________________________________________________

“Way to let the fucking side down mon ami!” Laughing, Flower throws his arms around me and then it’s a massive bromance group hug with half the team piling on. “If you’re going to go to the dark side, what do I tell V?”

“What can I say? I had to do it,” I explain, holding up my hand so everyone can see the gold band on my finger. “I finally met a woman like that who calls me on my shit and keeps me up all night with the most amazing fucking sex ever. I couldn’t let her get away. Fuck, one of you might have got to her,” I add with a quick glance towards Tanger who just grins back like I was right for thinking of it.

“I guess you’ll be next huh Gronk?” Sid turns to Jordan who had followed me into the room.

“Hey, I didn’t drink the Kool-Aid,” he laughs and turns to hang his jacket up in his locker.

“Oh c’mon, you’ve been in love with that girl for years. Are you seriously going to stand there and tell us you’re not going to try and tie her down as soon as you can?” Jordan just raises an eyebrow at Sid and then turns to glare at me.

“What? We’re happy for you!” I laugh but he just rolls his eyes and turns his back.

“I’m not insecure like Talbo. I don’t need to put a ring on it for Kens to be mine,” he replies smugly.

“Yeah, how does Kensey feel about that?” I ask and watch as he edits the smart ass comment he begins to make and then starts to wonder what, exactly, I might mean by that.  “She wanted to marry your brother, remember that you big dork?” I watch as he blows out his big lips, making a sort of horse sounding noise and then scratches his head.

“Talbo has got a point Gronk,” Duper grins at him. “Come to the dark side Staalsy. I can’t wait until you have to get up to change diapers at three in the morning,” he adds with an evil sounding cackle. “Now we just have to work on Flower and Tanger.”

“Laissez moi sortir de cette!” Tanger cries and holds up his hands in front of his face.

“And don’t you go giving V any ideas!” Flower adds, pulling his mask on and holding his stick out like a barrier towards me, like maybe what I’ve done is catching. Funnily enough, the thoughtful look on Gronk’s face says that maybe it is. 

_________________________________________________________________________________

“They all want to quit.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard her like this and it’s kind of pissing me off that she’s in Detroit and I’m in New York. This is when the whole long distance thing sucks. She sounds like she needs her boyfriend and I’m sitting in a restaurant waiting to see if my brother will show up.

“Just leave you on the road?” I ask, trying to picture either Duncan or Daze just leaving her high and dry and what kind of fight would have caused that, especially between her and Daisy.  I can’t actually remember the two of them ever fighting though, so it’s kind f hard.

“No just...at the end of the tour,” she sniffs and I can easily picture her nose turning red and her sea blue eyes filled with tears. “This is all Max’s fault,” she adds with a sob. My free hand curls into a fist. I know how long she’s wanted this but I also know something about Kens that most people don’t. She has stage fright, big time and I can’t imagine her going on stage with a bunch of strangers.

“And they all want to quit?” I ask as I remind myself to hide Max’s cup when I get back to the rink.

“Do you ever just hate Sid for always being the poster boy?” she asks with a sigh and suddenly what she’s talking about becomes crystal clear.

“Well you are a fox babe,” I unclench my fist and reach for the ice water instead. “And yeah, sometimes we all get fed up being the backup singers to Prince Charming, but he gets pretty fed up with all the attention too.” I hear her heave another sigh but at least it sounds like she’s getting her tears under control. “I wish I was there with you,” I add, knowing that just a look, just a squeeze of her hand can go a long way to making me feel better when I’m feeling like a shit. Guess that should have clued me in that she was the one a long time ago.

“So is he there yet?” she asks quietly.

“No, not yet.” I glance towards the door, looking for his ginger hair. No sign yet.

“I’m glad he agreed to see you. I was worried that he would never speak to you...to either of us again.” I can hear the smile in her voice. I wish I was relieved. I haven’t ordered any food because I’m still pretty sure that Marc might just be coming to kill me. “Have you told Eric or Jared yet?”

“Jared’s fine with it. Whatever, he called it a long time ago. Eric...he says he’ll reserve judgement until Marc forgives me.” She makes a noise; not yes or no, it’s just a noise but it’s covering for something else, probably something she’d like to say about my stick in the mud brother but won’t. My Kens has always been careful like that, always careful about coming in between me and my brothers. “You know I choose you right? Whatever Marc or Eric say, I choose you.”

“I love you Jordan.” I grin and get that feeling in the pit of my gut again. I’m really not ever gonna get tired of hearing that. I open my mouth to tell her that I feel the same when a giant hand comes into hard contact with the back of my head.

“I uh...I gotta go babe. I’ll call you later.” Marc slides into the seat across from me and rolls his eyes.

“It’s babe already? Fuck.”

“He’s there, isn’t he?” she asks as I flip him the bird. “Well good luck. You’ve got i.d. on you right? In case he tosses you in the East River? I don’t want to have to come all that way to i.d. your body.”

“They’d probably call Eric, he’s closer anyway. Gotta go. Bye.” I end the call and then lay my iPhone on the table.

“That was Kens, I assume,” Marc begins. I nod, wondering if he’s going to pick up the glass of ice water in front of him and chuck it at me. The back of my head is throbbing just a bit. “How is she?” I start to say ‘fine’ but decide that she wouldn’t want me to do that.

“Actually she’s a little upset...sounds like the rest of the band ‘s a little sick of just being background,” I explain. Marc nods and looks thoughtful for a moment.

“She’ll hate losing Daze. Did she really marry your buddy Max?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

“She did yeah. How fucked up is that?” We both grin and he shakes his head and then turns to call the waiter over before he turns back to me. “You gonna marry Kens?”

“I think so...yeah.”

Chapter 7

Happy New Year. 

Okay just a note. I was struggling with trying to give Jordan a voice through Max and it just wasn't working for me so forgive the jarring addition to a 3rd voice at this point in this story but I think it will just make more sense to hear Jordan's side from the man himself. 

Without further ado, here goes

“Chickita, we were beginning to wonder if you were ever going to show!” As if there was any doubt, the first person to greet me is Daze. She comes bounding off the stage like a Labrador puppy and throws herself at me, nearly knocking me over when she throws her arms around me. “Between you and me Duncs was about to call out the cavalry, if you know what I mean,” she adds in a stage whisper, glancing meaningfully over her shoulder at our band mate who is currently giving me that look that says  he doesn’t appreciate my not keeping in touch.

“I know, I know,” I sigh, shrugging, because I don’t have a good explanation. “I just needed to clear my head but I’m here now.” Dunc nods and goes back to taping wires to the floor of the stage. The life of the opening band, no roadies for us.

“So…what epiphany did all of this head clearing lead you to?” Daze asks, slipping her arm into mine and leading me back behind the stage. I watch Cristina Scabbia of Lacuna Coil walk by us and I pause, mid step, to watch her walk by. I’d be happy to be that famous and I know damn well a lot of the cities we’re going to go to won’t know how fucking cool she is.

“I don’t know…I don’t think I’ve come to any conclusion other than I may have totally fucked up my life by breaking up with Marc,” I sigh, following Daze into a cramped room that we’re obviously all sharing, where a black, latex cat suit is hanging on the back of the door, obviously waiting for me.

“So you two haven’t talked since? You didn’t cave and call him?” Daze asks, jumping up and sitting cross legged on the make-up table in her cut offs and black tank top. I shake my head, push my overnight bag into a corner and toss my leather jacket on top of it. “And you haven’t called Jordy either?” she asks in a totally different tone that tells me that she full expects that I would have.

“Why would I?” I grumble, struggling out of my jeans and then kicking them into the corner, followed by my sweater.

“Because you two are like madly in love with each other?” Daze gives me this impish, expectant look but I just stare back at her and because we’ve known each other forever, I don’t have to say it out loud. “Okay, well, at least he’s madly in love with you.”

“He’s not,” I reply firmly but Daze just rolls her eyes.

“I’m pretty sure he has been since he was like five,” she tells me in this ‘I’m not going to let you argue with me’ voice.

“Yeah and that’s why he dated like half of Thunder Bay,” I point out, dusting my legs with baby powder before even attempting to get into the skin tight latex cat suit.

“Because you were dating his brother?” she says, pointing out the obvious. “Because you chose his brother over him? Because you told him that he was always going to be an irresponsible party boy and that you weren’t going to wait around and watch him fuck everything that moves.” I shut my eyes against the barb that Daze digs into my ribs. I know what I said. I remember saying it too, the same night of the dance that I spent the night dancing with Marc. I remember standing under the bleachers while Marc was being high fived by all of our friends. I remember Jordan asking why, why Marc, why now? 

“And I was right, wasn’t I?” I reply quietly, even though knowing it doesn’t make it feel any better. It didn’t then. I’m not sure why it would now. 

“He’s sure cute,” I tell Johnny as he puts his brand new son in the bassinette, his hand resting on top of the warm squirmy bundle of joy.

“He should be, have you seen me?” Brent replies and waits for me to argue. I don’t. Not because I think he’s cute, after all I’ve been playing alongside Sidney fucking Crosby, listening to girls scream at him like they’re losing their minds. I don’t argue because my head is all over the place and I don’t have my usual witty banter going. “Whoa…earth to Gronk…what’s up bud?”

“I just…I have this sort of…problem.” I’m half listening to the all the women downstairs and half listening to all of the shit in my head that keeps swirling and swirling around.

“Well if it hurts when you pee, you should probably see the doc,” Brent laughs at his own joke. I don’t. If I’d wanted that kind of reaction I would have gone to Max and not the oldest guy on our team. He seems to realize it as he puts one hand on my shoulder as we both stare down at his son who is currently sucking on one of his toes. “Alright, obviously this is something heavy. Spill.”

“It’s my brother’s fiancée…well she was or…is his girlfriend…I’m not sure,” I begin, and that’s just part of what has my head spinning.

“Your little Goth girl, yeah, I think I heard something about this. So what’s going on that has you moping around like someone’s just taken your soother?” I sigh and open my mouth to begin but close it again. I don’t know where to start. Every time I go over it in my head the whole mess seems to start somewhere else. “Take it easy there Gronk…you’re not gonna cry are you?” I shake my head but I’m actually not sure. The more I think about this whole mess, or at least the more I think about how it’s really all my stupid fault, the more I think I might.

“I think I’m in love with her,” I admit finally, in this quiet voice ‘cuz I’m half afraid if I say it too loud someone will hear me. “I could start from the beginning but…I guess that’s what it really boils down to. She’s my brother’s girl…or was but…but I saw her first.”

“Oh man…that’s a fuckin’ doozy,” Brent rubs at his head and then moves around the crib so he can look at me, leaning against the wall with his arms across his big barrel of a chest. “Does she know? I mean, did you tell her and piss your brother off or something?”

“Nah, nothin’ like that,” I sigh again, shrugging my shoulders. “I mean…I think he kinda knows…maybe he’s known the whole time. I’m not sure but Kens…nah…I’m pretty sure that she still thinks of me just like she always has, just one of her big dumb brothers.” That makes Johnny smile and I can tell he wants to say something smart about it, like maybe ‘yeah you are dumb’ but I’m grateful when he doesn’t. This is fucking hard enough. “But she broke up with him…or at least she gave him the ring back and…Daze…she’s Kensey’s like…best friend in just about the entire world, she says that I should tell Kens which makes me think maybe I could be wrong about that but….” This is the hard part. Not that admitting that maybe I’ve been in love with my best friend isn’t super hard but this part…. “I don’t know. Do you think maybe she could be? I mean, that she could…y’know…like me too?” I looked at Johnny as he scratched his head and then shrugged his big shoulders.

“I don’t know man. To be honest…I’ve only seen the girl in pictures and shit. You’re the one who’s known her your whole life. What vibe are you getting off of her?” I felt crestfallen. I’d really hoped that the elder statesman of the team would have some kind of mad sage advice for me.

“I don’t know…I’m not good at picking up on that shit,” I sigh, turning my attention back to his little boy in his powder blue onesie, his thumb now stuck right in his mouth, his eyes closed, sucking away. I wish I was that innocent again.

“You Gronk? You and Max are like my fucking heroes. You’re the masters of picking up chicks. What do you mean you don’t know what vibe you get from her?” I heave a sigh and shrug my shoulders.

“Picking up chicks around the ‘Burgh is easy man. I don’t have to do anything but smile and buy them a drink. Hell, half the time not even that. Kens…man…she’s different. We’re like…we’re friends you know? I don’t know how to tell if she’d ever felt more than that. I know there’s been lots of times I wish…,” my voice trails off as Johnny’s woman slips into the room and, with a quick glance in the bassinette, slides up to her man and under his arm. I watch them kiss. The kiss says all kinds of things. It says ‘hello’ and ‘where have you been’ and ‘when are you coming back’. They look comfortable and happy and they’ve got that not having to speak and know what the other is thinking thing.

Sometimes I think I have that with Kens.

Sometimes I don’t, like now.

“So what was this I heard about Jordy picking up girls?” Mel asks, giving me that half disapproving half indulgent looks that all the Wags seem to. Or at least they do after they get to know me and don’t think I’m a total douchebag, like Max.

“Not girls,” Brent presses his lips softly to the top of her head, “just one girl.” Mel narrows her eyes at me and then shakes her head.

“Nope, can’t see it,” she says and then laughs. “I can’t see Jordy or Max being tied down. It would be like putting a wolf in a cage. It’s just cruel.”

“What if I want to be tied down?” I tell her and she rolls her dark eyes at me.

“Yeah, does this have anything to do with how you scared Trin away with all that being exclusive talk ?” she asks, tipping her head to one side and watching me in that way that women do when they get to be mothers. Like they’re measuring me or like they can see right through me.

“She was the one who didn’t want to be exclusive, not me,” I remind her quietly. Not because that particular wound still hurts. Not anymore. Not since Kens gave Marc back the ring.

“I still think it would be like cutting an eagle’s wing,” Mel shrugs and buries her face in Johnny’s chest and breathes him in like he’s some kind of scented candle.

“You didn’t say that about Tanger,” Brent reminds her and she sighs, this sort of happy, contented little sound and then turns her face up to his.

“Tanger isn’t an alley cat, like Jordy and Max are,” she tells him, like I’m not even in the room. “Like right now, how Max isn’t here, or hadn’t you noticed?” she adds with a secretive sort of grin.

“Yeah,” I mumble, realizing that I hadn’t seen him yet. “Where is Talbo?”

“At some metal concert in…Phillie I think,” Brent replies, looking down at Mel for confirmation. She nods and then looks over her shoulder at me.

“He said something about not wanting you to cock block him this time,” she adds with that wicked little smile she gets when she’s causing trouble. Sometimes I feel sorry for Johnny…sometimes.

It takes a minute, and then it’s literally like a light bulb goes on over my stupid head.

“Oh shit…Thunder Daze is playing…that fucker!” I don’t even say goodbye. I’m half way down the hall when I hear Mel call something after me like I’m going to miss dinner. I don’t even reply. It’s one of the time having that long legs seemed to be a good thing. I’m half way out the door before I even remember that I should have stopped to print out a ticket or something. 

“A hun spot. C’mon, let me in,” I grin up at the big…no, fucking huge bouncer at the door to the rear of the stage. He looks down at the bill I’m holding and then at me and then shakes his head and returns to staring straight ahead. “Two? Seriously man?” I dig in my wallet and think this guy has a really good fucking job as I pull out another two fifties and try to hand them to him.

“I’m not letting you in to see Miss Scabia,” he snarls, like he really is part grizzly bear. I stare up at him and think he reminds me a little of Boogard the Boogey Man, and I don’t really wanna mess with him but….

“You mean the Italian chick, the singer for the band that’s on now?” I ask, glancing behind me to where I can still hear the band that most of the people are here to see. “Yeah, I guess she’s cute or whatever but a bit old for me don’t you think?” I ask and then the big, bald Samoan turns his attention to me and his whole bald head wrinkles as he narrows his eyes and frowns. “Oh she’s your type. Okay, well, you know, it’s a good thing not all of us have the same taste, wouldn’t you say?” He just stares at me and then rolls his big dark eyes and goes back to staring over my head. I want to say ‘don’t you know who I am’ but I’ve gotten out of that habit being around Sid. He really hates it when one of us pulls that shit. I’m not above using it though, if I have to. I’m not there…yet. “Look I just want to see the first band. You know? The Canadian one, Thunder Daze. You know them?” I ask, hopefully, but Shrek keeps staring straight ahead. “You know, the girl drummer and that total hot babe in the black cat suit, huh?” I grin up at him and watch as just the faintest glimmer of a smile plays at the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, you saw her too huh? Total fox am I right?” He doesn’t answer but he’s smiling now. “Hey man, I know them. If you tell them I’m here, they’ll total see me and I’ll introduce you man, I swear.” I cross my fingers behind my back, but it seems there’s no need. The big guy finally chuckles and pushes the door open for me. I try to give him the money again but he just laughs and shakes his head.

“If that little drummer girl kicks your ass, I’ll know you lied to me,” he snorts and then I hear the door swing closed behind me.

He might have a point there. Considering I didn’t show up to meet her at the hotel. It was for a good cause. We got Sid to the hospital just in time to see baby Gabby born. He’s been grinning like an idiot ever since, which might have something to do with his point streak….

“Fuckin’ A!” The silence in the dim hallway is broken by a sudden cascade of ‘hell yeahs’ and other sounds that remind me of our room when we win a game. I turn the corner to find the objects of my affection upending bottles of Krug Rosé. Kensey still takes my breath away, especially in that skin tight black latex body suit. There’s no doubt she’s fucking hot but as soon as I get my breath back, my attention is immediately caught by the more compact redhead, now stripped down to a black bra and cut off jeans that barely cover her ass.

My mouth goes dry. How I never saw her before, really saw her, is beyond me.

“You!” The champagne bottle pops out of her full lips and she points it at me. “You never showed!”

“In my defense, we had a mission of mercy that took precedence, otherwise wild horses could not have kept me from you,” I tell her to which she replies with a loud bark of laughter.

“Fuck me, the shit that comes out of your mouth. Do you even believe it?” she asks, shaking her head as she saunters toward me like a stealthy cat. I’m not often rendered speechless by a woman, but the sight of her, sweat glistening on the visible pale half moons of her breasts, the light catching the diamond swinging from her navel. Without another word, she slides one arm around my neck and then presses the full length of her body to mine. “Are you going to stop playing hard to get now Talbot or do I have to fuck some sense into you?”

“Uh…oui, s’il vous plaît?” is the only answer I can give. She laughs, a dirty, raunchy sexy laugh that doesn’t look like it should come out of a package as compact as hers’, and then she presses her lips over mine in a firm, take no prisoners kind of kiss. When she pulls back, her eyes are glassy but she’s grinning.

“I’m kind of drunk,” she whispers into my ear. The champagne bottle is cold on the back of my neck. I can feel the condensation from the bottle dripping down the back of my t-shirt. “But I’m not that drunk, if you know what I mean.”

“No, I’m not sure,” I begin, thinking she means that she’s not really gonna fuck me senseless and I have to admit to being more than a little disappointed. Not that I came all this way thinking that for sure I was getting lucky but….

“I mean I’m not soooo drunk that I’m gonna pass out under you,” she adds, her other hand sliding up under my t-shirt, her fingers walking up the middle of my stomach, making my entire body shudder.  “And I’m so fucking jazzed right now, I bet I outlast you,” she adds, pinching one of my nipples between her finger and thumb hard enough that it hurts, but so good.

“Great, where are you staying?” I think I should be totally ecstatic and I am, which she is makes it clear she’s pretty aware of as she grinds against my hardening dick, but I’m also kind of taken aback. I mean, I’ve had girls offer it, just like that, in clubs but…I guess I wasn’t quite prepared for this.

“Don’t worry Max,” she whispers as she nips at my lower lip with her tongue, “I don’t bite…too hard.” With a groan I let her lead me towards one of the doors, staggering behind her because all of the blood is rushing out of my head and quickly south.

“Don’t kill him Daze,” I hear Kensey laughing behind us, “or somehow that will end up my fault.”