Friday, July 15, 2011

one shot smutty epilogue

 I was asked to do a Marc Staal one shot and this story came immediately to mind partly because I don't think I gave it the attention it deserved. So I thought I would bring the brothers back together for a sexonwheels one shot

Rather be punched in the face
Be sprayed with some mace
Than be head over heels
I'd Rather be hit by a truck
Then be totally fucked
I know you know how it feels
I'd rather be buried alive
Than be living a lie with somebody like you

Love is hell
Love is shit
Can't you tell I've had enough of it
Raise your hands, let me hear you yell
Love is hell
(lyrics from Love is Hell by Theory of a Deadman)

“This bachelor party can’t go down like the last one.” 

That’s the last words I hear when we get into the private plane heading for Vegas. 

Yeah, right. 

As if everything hasn’t gotten bigger and way more bad ass since Eric’s bachelor party. This is going to make his little golf and beer party look like child’s play. 

Thanks to Jordan. 

What was I thinking?

“Oh no no no.” I try and turn around the minute I see a stripper pole in the middle of the cabin of the plane but Jared and Jordan are right there, laughing and blocking my exit. 

“Oh no you don’t. Sit, drink, chill.” Jordan hands me a bottle of beer, because that’s how the Staal brothers roll; none of that bubbly shit that I’m sure Lindsay and her friends are going to be indulging in this weekend. 

“Yeah, Jordan went to a lot trouble to put this together so don’t be a fuckin’ boring old fart like you usually are,” Eric shoots me this warning look and then this  smirk appears on his face and I start surreptitiously feeling underneath the chair to see if I can find a parachute. 

“You’re always so uptight.” I feel the brush of fingertips on my arm and the warm, press of lips to my cheek. I know the voice and my body reacts to it in the same way it always has; my pulse jumps, my palms get sweaty and damn it all, my dick starts twitching in my pants, traitor. 

“No, no, this is not a good idea.” I don’t look her at her. I don’t have to. She’s wearing that perfume that makes me dizzy. She wouldn’t be wearing it if she was just going to be one of the guys along for the ride on the bachelor party weekend. 

“One time only offer bro. If I didn’t know you actually liked Linds you know I’d never share.” I glare up at my younger sibling through my fingers but he’s not even looking at me. He’s looking at the woman who’s curled up next to me and the look he gives her sends a knife into my heart. He loves her and worse than that, she loves him. 

So what’s she doing here?

“And I thought you’d be happy to see me.” Her voice is like warm tea and like a pick axe all at the same time. Part of me immediately feels comforted by her presence but part of me wants to run away, the part of me that’s still hurt that she chose my brother over me. 

“Don’t know why,” I mutter, flinching when she her hand curls around my bicep.

“Because someone whispered in my ear at the cook out not so long ago that he wished he could have just one more night with me.” 

Ouch. I don’t remember saying it but I do remember that I was off my ass that particular night and I definitely remember being really jealous of seeing Jordan and the queen of fucking darkness all loved up and wrapped around each other despite the fact that Lindsay was at the party, showing off her ring…well, Kensey’s ring.

“You’re serious,” I mumble and hear her laugh, the sound of jingling bells filling my ears. 

“As a heart attack,” she purrs back in my ear, her hand moving from my bicep to the middle of my chest. “I’ll go if you want Marky. Just tell me to go and I will.” 

“Yeah no one’s puttin’ a gun to your head bro.” I look over at Eric whose obviously doing his best to look interested in the in flight magazine, doing some shopping for the kids in the Sky Mall no doubt. 

“If you chicken out, I get a chance though. Right Jord?” Jared asks and gets dragged off his seat and pulled into the aisle where Jordan straddles him and mostly messes up his hair. Kensey peers around me and snorts. She’s used to our hijinks, brotherly love, or she used to be, before everything got weird. Maybe it’s been weird for a long time but I was just trying to ignore it. 

I can’t believe she’s so calm.

“Hey you’re not gonna turn down mine and Jordy’s wedding present…are you?” she whispers, her lips lightly brushing my ear. I flinch. 

“We’re already members of the mile high club, remember?” I hiss back at her and feel her go still beside me. I don’t’ kid myself that it’s because she’s thinking of that flight from New York back home to Thunder Bay where we both ended up with Charlie-horses from doing it in the tiny bathroom of the plane. Just like every other memory I have of her now that one’s is bittersweet and I quickly try and erase it from my mind. 

“Are you saying you don’t want me Red?” she asks with a sulking tone that I know is fake. The fans that pay to see her strut on stage might buy her whole Goth siren image but everyone on this plane knows it’s not real. Grinding my teeth together I try to force the one word past my lips that will put a stop to this agonizing torture but as hard as I try to, I can’t say it. “Hmmm, that’s what I thought,” she giggles, nipping at my ear. “Tonight, after dinner, after the club, I’ll wear that thing you like.” 

With that she bounds across the aisle and throws herself onto Jordan’s lap, wraps her arms around his neck and snuggles into him like he’s an oversized teddy bear. I don’t want to look but it’s like when you pass a guy pulled over by the cops on the highway, you know you shouldn’t but you just have to slow down and look, you can’t help it. 

“Don’t pick at the scab,” Eric mutters without looking up from the magazine in his hands. That’s easy for him to say. He’s married to his high school sweetheart.



Jordan hands me a copy of the swipe card for his brother’s room and just like that I have permission to sleep with Marc one more time. I look up into Jordy’s big blue eyes and reach up to gather a handful of his shirt. 

“And you promise you will come later?” He smiles and nods as he bends to press his mouth over mine. 

“It’s pretty funny that he thinks this is all about him,” my big blond fiancé grins down at me as he cups my cheek in his big hand. “Kinky Kensey.”  

“How lucky can one girl get,” I sigh as he wraps his arms around me and gives me one of those hugs that makes me feel tiny and safe. I close my eyes and revel in the feel of him solid and warm around me and then he lets me unravel myself from his grasp. 

“Have fun,” he winks and then gives my ass a swat, sending me towards the door, “but not too much fun, until I get there,” he adds as I turn at the door and pretend to look shocked. He laughs, shaking his head as he flops back down onto the bed. He’ll probably watch porn until he gets the courage to walk down the hall. 

I hope it doesn’t take too long. 

Taking a look both left and right down the brightly lit hall of the MGM, I find it empty and sneak out, tiptoeing down the hallway to the last door. I slip the card in the lock watch the little lights turn green and slide inside. 

Could I have knocked? Yes, of course. Would Marc have let me in? Debatable and in any case, I don’t mean to give him the chance to back out of this. 

This is my fantasy and I intend for it to come true. 

He’s sitting on the end of the bed in only a pair of jeans, his feet bare and his toes curled in the way they do when he’s anxious. His long, elegant fingers are gripping the end of the bed as he stares at nothing. The lights and TV are off. 

He’s been waiting for me. 

His head turns when he hears the door shut behind me. Even in the kind of darkness that’s lit only because he hasn’t pulled the curtains to block out the glow of The Strip his eyes are clearly full of mixed emotions. He’s angry, no doubt at being tricked into this, and angry at himself for wanting it and then there’s the lust that make his pupils large and his eyes dark. His mouth that is not as full as his brother’s is set in a grim, determined looking thin line. Only the quick rise and fall of his chest exposes his visceral reaction to the black satin robe that I am untying to reveal the black lace bustier and matching panties. 

“Damn.” It’s only one word but it’s also surrender and permission as I watch his grip on the edge of the bed loosen and his toes uncurl. 

I drop the robe on the floor behind me and stride towards him. Jordan’s never cared much for lingerie or for foreplay for that matter. He’d much rather just get naked and get down to business. Marc is so different from his younger sibling in so many ways and this is just one of them. His gaze rakes over my body, taking in the way the bustier pushes my breasts up nearly to mu chin and cinches in my waist but when his gaze levels on the bare skin of my thigh just above the stockings, he licks his lips. My red Staal is a sucker for garters and stockings. 

I put one knee on the bed beside his hip and reach out to touch his face. His skin is so smooth. Jordy can be so lazy about shaving, not that I mind, but Marc’s chin rarely sports stubble of any kind. I drop my lips almost to his and he lets out a long, ragged breath. 

“Not fair,” he moans and then I feel his hands circling my waist. 

“All’s fair in love and war,” I whisper against his mouth right before I press my lips against it. He resists, for a brief moment and then gives in, his lips parting, his tongue reaching for mine, winding around it like a snake on a tree branch. 

He lifts me onto his lap and there’s no way he can pretend he doesn’t want this now. I can feel him, thick long and hard as I press my now aching twat against him, dry humping him like a horny dog. He moans into my mouth and presses up against me, the friction of the denim against the lace is so frustrating it’s painful but his strong, skilled hands make short work of the flimsy lace. He tears the panties off of me and throws the remnants aside as I tug at his belt and work at the brass buttons until I can slide my hand inside. 

His head tips back and he moans long and low as my fingers curl around his dick. His eyes are closed and a shudder runs through his whole body as I guide him up inside of me. Neither of us moves, both just enjoying the sensation and then I feel his hands curl around my ass, making me rock down over him and his lips blindly find mine.

He’s never been as good a kisser as Jordan, at least not as passionate as forceful. Marc has always been too much of a gentleman for teeth to get involved but now as I rock my hips forward and grind down over him his teeth tug on my bottom lip and I wonder if Lindsay has taught my red Staal a thing or two. The mousy blonde doesn’t look like the type to get freaky in the bedroom but maybe I’m wrong. 

He buries his head in my neck, biting and sucking and I let my head fall back, giving him access to the pulse points, whimpering when he sucks hard at the thin skin. He’s marking me, knowing not only will Jordan see the marks later but so will his other brothers and all of their friends that are coming to meet us in the morning. They’ll know he did this to me and they’ll know that I liked it. 

I feel his teeth graze collar bone right before they dig into the soft flesh of my breast where it spills over the top of the bustier. I gasp, because it hurts, but I want him to do it again and dig my fingers into his short strawberry colored locks and encourage him to do it again. One of his big hands works my other tit free, scooping it out of the highly structured corset top and I cry out when his teeth close around my nipple, tugging it into his mouth. 

He pulls his cock out of me or pulls me off of him. I don’t know really. It all happens so fast. One minute I’m riding him and the next I’m on my back and he’s pressing my thighs back and wide, and his tongue is buried in my cunt. 

I can only vouch for Marc and Jordan but I’m guessing this is a skill that all of the Staal men possess in spades. Given the time and opportunity Jordan will spend hours teasing and torturing me with his lips and talented tongue. I actually had to beg Marc to stop once. My hands and feet actually got cold from lack of blood flow. 

He seems determined to get me to that same state now as he works two fingers up inside of me and sucks on my clit until I’m shaking and crying from the strength of the orgasm that rips through me, make me scream out his name and leaves me panting beneath him as he slides his very swollen cock into me and presses my knees back as far as they’ll go so he can reach deep inside, finding that spot that makes me shudder and whimper. 

He strokes the head of his cock over and over that spot, grinning down at me when I beg him to stop. He just shakes his head and keeps doing it as I thrash beneath him, my entire body wracked with spasms as I ride wave after wave of amazing sensations as he pins me beneath him, intentionally keeping me on the edge but not allowing me to spill over. 

He won’t even let me intervene, give myself some relief. When I reach down to slide my fingers over my clit he grabs my arm and pins it above my head and then, as a sort of afterthought does the same with my other arm, holding them pinned and grinning down at me while he teases me by just dipping  the head of his cock into my dripping wet snatch. 

“Pleeeeeeassse Marc,” I beg, trying to wrap my legs around his hips but his god damn super human hockey player strength easily shakes me off. 

“Please what Kens? What do you want?” It’s more like Jordan to torture me like this but I kind of like seeing the normally straight laced ultra controlled Marc let loose and get a little evil. It’s sexy as hell. 

“Fuck me hard, make me cum,” I gasp, looking down the length of my body to watch him lower himself into me in a controlled sort of reverse push up. Every single sinew and muscle in his body is strained to the limit as he holds himself just outside of my entrance so he can tease and torment my sensitive swollen folds. “Maaaarc puhleeeeeze.” 

“Not yet,” he replies simply, maneuvering so  that he pins both of my wrists with one hand while he uses the other to squeeze the base of his cock while at the same time aiming it directly at and then pressing it against my aching clit. 

“Goooodddddd dammmmmn!” My back arches off the bed and a scream rips from my throat as I cum again. His hand squeezes around my wrists as he holds me down and he doesn’t stop teasing me either. He uses the soft, velvety head of his cock like a pencil and draws it across and around my clit until I’m panting and my trembling beneath him. “Please Marc, please,” I beg, raising my hips and pressing against him, anything to have him inside of me.

“Yeah Marc, listen to the lady.” 

Marc stops and I feel his grip on my wrists loosen as he looks over to find Jordan standing near the bed.

We’d been so preoccupied that I hadn’t heard him come in. Jordan Staal, stealth pervert. I don’t have to look up to know that Marc is wearing a murderous expression. This is supposed to be his time, his last kick at the can and they may be brothers but none of the Staal boys share very well. 

I expect some sort of conversation, a volley of threats and accusations but instead Marc just shoves himself deep into my pussy and he begins to fuck me like a cheap whore, but his eyes are on his brother and the look on his face is not very nice. 


She writhes and whimpers beneath him as he bangs her hard, his body slamming into hers’ as if he’s not just trying to fuck her but as if he’s trying to fuck through her. Not that my freaky fiancée seems to mind. Kensey’s eyes are lit up and she’s panting and making all those good fuck noises that make my dick hard. 

I thought that would be impossible, what with my brother not only being in the room but being in her but as I watch her breasts bounce with every one of his hard, angry strokes, my dick begins to throb in my pants and then Kelsey turns and looks at me and reaches out her hand and I know what she wants. I’m still not sure I can do it, almost sure Marc will kill me if I do but I take the few steps it takes to bring me up the bed and her smile of greeting grows wider. 

“Hey baby,” she purrs and slides her hand over the outside of my pants, stroking my length and making my knees get weak. It’s just as difficult as I thought to see her getting fucked by someone else but the love burning in her electric blue eyes as she looks up at me make up for some of it. “Give it to me baby. I want to suck it,” she says, tugging at my zipper. I can hear Marc’s warning growl but I’ve already agreed to this and so I reach down and unzip my pants and let her fish me out, sure my legs are going to buckle when she strokes her palm along the full length of my Johnson and gently squeezes the head of my cock before sliding her hand back down to the base again. “Your cock is so pretty baby,” she tells me, her eyes only one me despite the fact that Marc is now fucking her like he’s trying to break her in two, like he’s turned into the human fucking jackhammer and she’s a slab of concrete slated for demolition.  “Put it in my mouth,” she instructs me, licking her lips and then holding them open for me. 

I slide my jeans down and then kneel on the edge of the bed and let her guide my dick to her mouth. Her little pink tongue sweeps over my head and the same thing that always has happened does again. I almost cum, just like that. I don’t know if I’ll ever get over being sucked off by Kensey. I’ve jerked off to the idea of it too many times to ever not get excited by it. 

She smiles at me around my cock and then slides her hand down and cups my balls. She rolls them in her fingers and digs her nails into them just enough to feel the pressure but not enough to hurt. I close my eyes and try to concentrate on the feel of her mouth on me but I can’t shut out the sound of his body slapping rhythmically into hers or the feel of every vibration when she moans or whimpers around my cock. I can’t ignore that it’s him causing her to make those sounds but I can’t stop the vibrations those sounds make in her mouth and throat from making me want to shoot my load. 

“I’m going to make her cum. I’m going to make her fucking cum and she’s going to scream my name.” It’s a threat but when I look down at those blue eyes it’s a threat that doesn’t bother me. 

“Do it,” I tell him, my voice strained as I fight to hold off blowing my load right away. 

“I’m going to fill her tight little pussy with my jizz,” he adds in a growl and I can hear how labored his breathing is, how hard he’s working and I can feel her body jerk with each hard thrust he makes. In fact she digs in, just a little, with her teeth to stop my cock from sliding out of her mouth. There’s always the threat, I suppose, that his next, hard thrust will make her bite it off but I trust her. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be here and neither would my brother.

“Do it, she wants it,” I tell him and her lips curl into a smile around my cock. He growls and before I have time to process what I’m doing, I look over at him, not thinking about what I’m going to see. His face is red, like beet red, and sweat is dripping from his forehead onto her tits. He’s really giving it to her and by the sounds she’s making around my dick she’s enjoying it. He looks right up at me and snarls. It’s not a human sound and definitely not a happy sound and he looks like he fucking hates me right now. 

I notice it doesn’t stop him banging the hell out of my fiancée though. 

“Take that…that thing out of her mouth. I’m gonna make her fucking cum and I want to hear her scream my name.” I look down at Kens and she sort of nods, as much as she can with my dick in her mouth and her head almost bouncing off the head board. I do as he asks and then have to stand there, with my dick in my hand while he reaches down and slides his hand between them, reaching for her clit and working it like he’s trying to buzz in on fucking Jeopardy. He’s pressing down on it and rubbing it in hard tight circles just the way she likes it and he fucking smiles right at me when he does because he’s got that on me. He’s fucked her before and he’s fucking her now and I’m not. 

Brotherly love.

“Soo, soo close,” she gasps, wrapping her hose clad legs around him. I stare at the red soles of the peep toed black Laboutin stilettos that I bought for her as she wraps them around his ass to pull him deeper. I try to concentrate on them and not on the way his ass is working as he pumps into her or the way it sounds as their bodies meet with a wet slapping sound. “Baby, baby let me.” I look down and she’s holding out her hand. I start to look at Marc for permission and then think fuck it and slide my cock into her outstretched fingers and moan as it glides along her palm. 

“God, so tight Kens, you’re almost there, I can feel it.” I feel like he’s saying it for my benefit but she groans and her eyes squeeze shut and her hand clamps down around my cock and I know he’s right. My dick aches as I think about how wet her slit must be now, how hot and tight it gets when she’s this close, that little ripple I feel just before her juices gush around my cock. 

“Yessss, oh Marc…ooooh goooodddd!” Her head tilts back and her teeth clench together and then she lets out this long, low moan and I know she’s right there, staring over the edge of the precipice and I want to be the one pushing her over the edge but I hear Marc grunt and then there’s no sound for a few seconds and then she does it. She screams. She opens her red lips and just screams his name. 


 I’ve been used. I lie there, boneless and spent on the bed and know that this had nothing, if anything at all, to do with me. I feel like I should yell and hurl accusations. I should call her names and I should probably throw a punch at Jordan. The least I should do is asked to be paid. 

I don’t do any of those things. I lay there and say nothing and feel ashamed and sorry for myself and watch as they look at each other like I’m not even in the room. She’s always loved him and he’s always loved her.
I’ve been used. 

The problem is I love her too. I love her and so I lie here and watch her get up and tip her pretty little mouth up to his to be kissed and I watch my brother dig his fingers into her hair and kiss her like he has to or he’ll die. I can see their mouths moving and see her hands kneading his big fat pale ass. 

I don’t even raise a hand or open my mouth to object when she climbs back up onto the end of the bed on her hands and knees and wags her cute round little ass at him. I say nothing when he takes those sweet pale cheeks of hers in his hands and stuffs himself into her with an audible grunt that sounds like it should be coming from a caveman. I watch her eyes flutter closed and her full, ripe mouth open in a silent gasp. 

Is he bigger than me? I should know but I’ve never looked. You don’t, not even when your brothers so I can’t tell if she’s making that face because he’s stretching her wider than I did or if it’s because I’ve ripped her open and it hurts a little. I’m hoping it’s the latter. 

Her fingers grasp the sheets as she fights for traction every time his hips move forward, shoving her across the bed, closer to me. I scoot back a bit, up against the headboard, away from them but not away. Not to the shower or out of the room like maybe I should. It’s kind of like a car chase on TV. I have to watch. 

I have to watch her tits swaying as he fucks her. I have to watch her tongue sweeping across her full bottom lip. I have to listen to her moaning as he ravages her, as he twists his hips and rams himself balls deep in her. I have to because it’s probably the last time I’ll ever get to see her like this and last time I’d had her I hadn’t known it was the last time. This time I want to take the time to preserve the memory of every inch of her skin, the way she tastes and the way she smells and lock it away in some corner of my brain to take out and replay on a rainy day or some time I’m sitting in the penalty box, memories that are just for me. 

“Come here.” 

I think it’s my imagination talking and she has to say it again before I focus on her mouth and realize her lips are moving and those eyes that are the colour of a bright summer’s day are locked on me. She smiles, her lips curling up as I blink at her like an owl and then she lifts her hand and crooks her finger at me. 

“I want to suck you off. Now come here.” 

I think about what was just in her mouth and make a face but then Jordan doesn’t seem to mind plowing that field I’ve already sewn and I know she has to be dripping with my jizz and that doesn’t seem to be stopping him. So I scoot forward and pull a couple of pillows with me to prop myself up while she grabs hold of my dick with both hands and licks her lips like she’s been handed a giant all day sucker. 

I glance up and over her body and Jordan actually grins at me. He grins and then he raises a hand and brings it down on her right ass cheek with a resounding SLAP! She giggles and then her giggle gets muffled as she slides her lips down over the head of my cock. 

Oh JesusLordfuckingchristonabike. 

I’ve missed this. Some women, like Lindsay, look at giving head like a chore. As if it’s cleaning the bathroom. They don’t want to do it but it has to get done so they do it and they try and get it over with as soon as possible. Getting head of course it like eating pizza. Even when the pizza is bad it’s still good. When Kensey gives head though, she’s an artiste. She doesn’t just knead some dough, slop on some sauce, throw a few slices of pepperoni and some cheese on it and call it done. Kensey wraps her little tongue around you like she’s licking one of those lollipops with the gum at the center. 

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop? 

And she sucks like she’s got the bone from a slow roasted lamb in her lips and wants to get every single last drop of meat off of it and leave it clean. She savors it and takes her time and makes all these happy, hungry little noises and you know that she’s enjoying it as much as you are. 

I have fucking missed this and I can’t stop watching her lick her way around the head of my cock and then she just smiles up at me and her mouth slides slowly over it and I watch my reed disappear like a magic trick and then I can’t watch anymore because I can feel the tightness of her throat closing around it and I feel my balls tighten and her hand starts to work, her fist pumping up and down and I dig my fingers in her hair and my hips start moving in time with her hand and I can feel her body and the bed shifting in time with us too and she’s whimpering and moaning around my shaft and I start to see stars and it’s hard to breathe and…and….

“Fuuuuuuuuck yeah!” It’s my brother’s voice raised in praise and I feel her tremble around my cock and her fingers tighten on the base and she moans like a whore and then I let go and my balls squeeze hard and my dick starts pumping into the back of her mouth and I can’t believe there’s that much juice left in me but it pumps and pumps until it’s dripping out of the corners of her mouth and I want to apologize but I know I won’t have to. 

She runs her thumb along the bottom of her lip and collects every lost drop and then deposits her thumb in her mouth and sucks it off, swirling her tongue around it and sucking it into her mouth. I shake my head at her and she just throws her head back and laughs.

Friday, June 10, 2011

New Story!!

I've started another new story, a totally different direction for me

Please check it out and tell your friends

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Chapter 13

I know, I know. This took forever. I get sidetracked easily, kind of like some kind of story magpie. But this seems like a perfect way to tie this one up.

“I’m not going to get through tonight,” I sigh, wiping at my eyes and reaching for the loose powder for about the third time.

“Here, let me, your hands are shaking.” Looking at Daze with her barely there baby bump makes my eyes fill again and she rolls her eyes and tips her head to the side, waiting for me to get my emotions under control. 

“You’re going to be fine. This is just one more concert, no big deal.”
“You’re kidding, right?” I sniff, reaching for a tissue and dabbing at my eyes with it. “I can’t believe you’re really doing this. That you’re really going to abandon me.” Daze shakes her head again and I know what she’s going to say before she actually says it out loud. We’ve been over this a dozen times or more over the last few months and we both know she isn’t going to change her mind. Especially not now that she’s pregnant. Still her maternal instincts are already kicking in and I sit still while she fusses over me.

“You’re doing a duet with Lauri Ylönen next week and the label is putting a band together for you and you’re still going to have Duncs. You don’t need me wobbling around, getting in the way. You definitely don’t need a little sprog throwing up on your sexy outfits,” she adds, running her fingers over the leather edging on my crushed velvet deep purple and black corset. “This would so not stand up to spoiled milk upchuck.”

“And how do you think Max is going to stand up to a little barf?” I ask and this soft expression comes over her face and suddenly her gaze is far away and I know she’s thinking about him. Her eyes do that every time she thinks about him. “Do I do that?” I ask, watching her reflection in the mirror. She blinks twice and then stares at me like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. “When I think about I look like that? Do I get all...I don’t know what you’d call it...all fucking doe eyed.”

“Not all the time,” she replies, refocusing on me and then leaning her chin in the middle of the top of my head, “but yeah, sometimes you do.”

“It’s why you’re doing it isn’t it?” I ask, looking at reflection, at how calm she looks. “This is why you’re quitting isn’t it? You don’t want to be away from Max like I am with Jordan.” Daze wrinkles her nose and looks back at me like I’ve just spoken in gibberish.

“If anything we’re making up for lost time. Not like you and Jay boy. You guys have all that history, all that time behind you. I mean, when you two are together it’s like, “ she tips her head to the side and looks thoughtful, “I don’t know how to explain it but you’re comfortable with him, like you don’t have to talk, even though you practically finish each other’s sentences.”

“We do?” Since Jordan got back on the ice, it feels like I’ve hardly seen him, especially in comparison to the amount of time that Max and Daze have been sneaking off to meet each other. Not that I begrudge her any of the time. I’m just jealous. Hey, at least I’m honest.

“Puhleeeze,” she rolls her eyes at me again and goes back to fixing my make-up. “You two settle in together right away. Max and I are still getting used to each other, figuring things out, adjusting to each other. You two don’t have to do that,” she adds, carefully pressing the powder puff to my cheeks, covering up the tracks of my tears, “you have this emotional short hand. I bet you know what he’s thinking most of the time without him having to tell you, right?” I don’t even have to think about that. Of course I do and I’m pretty sure it’s the same for him.

“Just because we ‘get each other’,” I flash the bunny ears around those words because they seem cliché and because I’m not sure if those are the words to actually describe what I have with Jordan, “doesn’t mean that we can be the tiny percentage of people that can make a long distance relationship work.”

“So that’s what this is about,” Daze stands back to survey her handiwork, this compassionate sort of maternal look on her face. I’m not ever going to get used to her being like that. What the hell did Max do to my best friend? “You’re worried that now you’ve finally given in and admitted that you’re all moooshy for one another that you’re going to fuck it up.” There isn’t much point in denying it and I’ve never kept anything from Daze anyways.

“He says he’s a one woman man now but you know what they say, while the cat’s away.... I mean...your boy isn’t exactly an angel either is he?” It’s a spiteful thing to say and I’m sorry I do the minute I let the words escape my lips but it’s too late to take them back. Fortunately she isn’t phased by my bitchy comment.

“Well, I intend to give him enough reason not to stray and if there’s one thing I’ve noticed about those Staal boys, it’s that once they’re tied down, they’re solid as the rocks in their heads,” she grins and then puts the powder puff down. “I know you picked Marc before because you never believed that Jordan would be ready to be yours and yours alone but I’ve seen him with you Kens and that boy...he loves you to pieces. If I was him, I’d worry about you.” 

“Whatchadoin?” I don’t have to look up to know that our fearless leader is leaning over my shoulder. I also don’t try and shut down the web page I’m on either. In fact, I’m kind of glad to get his input.

“I’m trying to figure out what to say to Kens tonight,” I admit, looking down at the notes I’ve scribbled on the hotel note pad and then back up at the screen and sigh. “It all sounds so fucking fake. I don’t want to sound like a loser but...I don’t know what to say that won’t sound like it’s someone else’s idea. What did you say to Tabby?”

“Doesn’t matter what I said. You have to say whatever feels right to you,” he tells me and then reaches around and grabs the note pad. I watch him read it, watch him raise and lower his eyebrows, purse his lips, nod and then finally shrug. “Yeah, I guess any of this is good but...why don’t you just tell her why you want to marry her instead of all this romantic shit which, I mean c’mon let’s be honest, isn’t really your thing is it?”

“Yeah but...I mean that’s why I’m doing this,” I say indicating the screen of my lap top. “Shouldn’t I try to be, at least for this?”

“I dunno man. I think you’re already planning a pretty big gesture and I don’t really get that ring you got her but...I’m pretty sure she’ll be happy no matter what you do. I mean, you said yourself, this is a pretty rough night for her so you’re gonna make it better. I mean, if you really think she’ll say yes that is.” Sid’s quick reflexes have him dancing out of my reach before I can lay a punch on him. Not that I’d hurt him, much. Not this close to the season ending. If we’re going to get back on top, we’re going to need him in the playoffs.

“What’d I miss?” Max stands in the doorway smiling at both of us, looking from one to the other like an eager puppy waiting for someone to throw a Frisbee.

“Jordan’s popping the question,” Sid explains.

“Old news,” Max sighs and then throws himself on the bed. “Anyone wanna watch porn?”

“Seriously, what’s wrong with you? You have a perfectly good wife at home.” Sid laughs and then launches himself onto Max like he’s a pile of freshly raked fall leaves.   
“She’s pregnant and bitchy. I thought you’d be sympathetic,” Max groans and tries to wriggle free from the head lock Sid has him in.

“Try rubbing her feet, they like that,” Sid suggests, letting Max get free, which is a mistake. Max wrestled in high school and it only takes the blink of an eye for him to turn the tables and have Sid trying to tap out.

“Every time I rub her feet it ends up in us having sex and I want a kid, not a litter of puppies,” Max laughs, digging his knuckle into the top of Sid’s head.

“That’s not how it works!” Sid groans and elbows Max in the stomach.

“How can you be so sure mon ami? I apparently have super sperm, they got through a condom and she takes birth control and I still knocked her up. Sacre bleu!  I should be charging for stud service!” Like he’s just come up with a brilliant idea, he lets Sid go and stands up, looking thoughtful. Bad idea. Sid and I both pounce on him and drive him back onto the bed.

“Go near Kens with your super sperm and I’ll rip your dick off!” I growl, pulling my hand back, fist curled, ready to fly.

“How can I be your best man if you kill me?” he asks, trying to look innocent which is something he can never actually pull off and digging in his pocket like he’s got the ring, like I’d trust him with it.

“Like anyone would have you,” I laugh, sticking my index finger in my mouth, wetting it down good and then sticking it into his ear. “Ha! Wet Willie! Now, where’s my ring?” 

“Some of you know that this is Daze’s last night with us,” I announce, tears stinging in my eyes as I turn to send a half hearted glare at her while she raises her sticks in salute to the fans who are booing her leaving. No matter what she says, she’ll be missed.  “We’ve pretty much been the dynamic duo since we were in diapers, so having her leave is like having one of my arms cut off. I honestly don’t know how I’m gonna do this without you babe,” I add directly to her. She blows me a kiss. “But, what you don’t know is that Max Talbot from the Pittsburgh Penguins...,” the ‘boo birds’ come out and drown me out. I laugh and shake my head and hold the mic out for New York to have its say.  “That’s right Islanders fans, Talbot knocked her up. This is all his fault.” Just to add fuel to the fire our techs put up the video of Max fighting Matt Martin on the giant screen behind Daze and the arena erupts as they watch him skating in front of the Islander players in the box, taunting them. Laughing, Daze gets up, puts her sticks down on the snare drum and then gives the crowd the signal that she’s willing to take them all on. My eyes fill with tears. I’m gonna miss her like crazy. “Okay, okay,” I hold up my hands for a little quiet. “One last drum solo?” I ask her, expecting the lights to go down, the spot light to go on her and her kit. The lights do go down, but I’m still standing in a spot light while a mic appears in her hand.

“I’ll bring the place down in a minute but first, I just want to say that you’ve been the best friend a girl could ask for,” she tells me, still standing behind her drum kit. I wipe at my eyes with the back of my hand, smearing mascara and eyeliner in the process. “I’ll miss you like crazy but it’s gonna get a little hard for me to be back here,” she adds rubbing her stomach and smiling. “I’ll miss you, you crazy bitch,” she grins at me and then blows another kiss. Tears are streaming down my face now.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, enough of this kissy mushy shit.” Daze gets a funny look on her face and I turn at the sound of a familiar voice behind me to see Max strutting out onto the stage in his white, black and gold home jersey. He grins as the crowd boos like crazy, turning to wave to them which only makes them boo louder. “Yeah, I love you too,” he grins at them like he’s enjoying it. I turn to look up at Daze and she’s got this little smile on her face and I wonder if I ever look at Jordy like that, or if he ever looks at me like that, like that’s the only thing in the world that I need. “I’m very sorry I’m taking your friend away from you,” he says as he reaches the middle of the stage where I’m standing. He reaches for my hand and I let him take it. Just for a second I flash back to that hotel room, a year ago, and feel my entire face get warm. “Well, not that sorry, eh ma petite?” he adds with a glance back at Daze, the same sort of tender, adoring expression on his face. “But we both wish you nothing but the best, most success, n’est-ce pas mon amour?” Daze nods and holds her hands over her heart. I return the gesture.  “But we don’t want you to think that we’re leaving you alone, comprends?” I stare at him and shake my head. “You will,” he whispers just for me and then leans in to kiss my cheek before walking away, leaving me alone in the middle of the stage. All of the lights go off and then, with a dramatic drum roll, one spot light goes on with an audible clicking sound, illuminating Jordan’s golden hair and sky blue eyes.

I stare at him, my brain working overtime to try to make sense of their showing up out of the blue like this. They weren’t supposed to be here until the morning. I wish, just for a second that I was wearing a watch, sure that they should still be playing at MSG. He smiles, that big, boyishly easy grin that tells me he knows what I’m worrying about and he thinks it’s funny that I’m concerned about it because he’s obviously not.

“That’s right, we took a helicopter here right after the game to surprise you,” he says as he begins to walk slowly across the stage in his faded jeans and the Pens baby blue third jersey that intensifies the sunny summer sky colour of his eyes. I’m holding my breath and it’s so quiet that the crowd must be too. I guess Jordy hasn’t pissed the Islanders fans off quite as much as Max has. “So a lot of shit has gone down in the last year,” he says with that wide, tooth filled grin of his that makes his eyes crinkle at the corners. “I know that you had other things in mind for this summer,” he adds with a raise of one of his eyebrows that says what I’m glad he won’t say in front of the crowd, what he won’t remind me of in public, or in private for that matter. We don’t talk about Marc. “But I’m just wondering,” he continues as he comes to a stop just a step away from me, “if I can tempt you into spending the summer with me, on a beach maybe, at sunset, getting married.”

My heart lurches up into my throat as I watch my Jordy boy going down on one knee in front of me, holding his hand out towards me and slowly unfolding his long fingers to reveal a black velvet box sitting in the palm of his hand. He actually laughs when I burst into tears and drop the microphone because my hands are shaking so bad.

“Open it for crying out loud!” I hear Daze calling from somewhere behind me but for some reason her voice sounds disembodied. In fact I don’t hear the crowd either. Maybe it’s my blood buzzing in my ears but it’s like there’s nothing and no one else but my J-boy, that ring and my heart fluttering in my chest like a panicked bird.

“Yeah, go on, open it,” Jordan encourages me quietly, the mic sitting, turned off on the stage by his knee.

“I’m afraid I’ll drop it,” I tell him honestly, wiping my hands down the side of my thighs, which does little to alleviate the sudden case of sweaty palms I’ve developed. Not only are leather pants hot, tight and uncomfortable but they aren’t very absorbent either.  

“Then just say yes and I’ll put it on you myself.” 

I was so sure what her answer was going to be until I actually ask her to give it to me. Now, I’m on one knee in front of her, in front of hundreds...a thousand people maybe, and I’m shitting my pants waiting for her to say something.

Jesus, you’d think I’d have learned to be patient.

“Look, I almost lost you because I wasn’t willing to give up fucking around and being some kind of immature jackass. I almost let you marry my idiot boring ass brother. I don’t want to lose you Kens. I want everyone to know that you’re mine. So take this fucking ring and put it on and say yes so that I know you’re mine.”

It’s not romantic. It’s not even the big moment I thought it was going to be. It’s just me, asking my best friend if she’ll put up with me and I’m still shitting myself until she finally nods as her big, blue eyes fill up with tears and she grins down at me like I’ve done something super amazing which is so stupid because I’m just doing the only thing I can do. Want her. Want her so much it hurts.

I get up and I open the little box and she sobs out loud, this funny sound that’s happy and scared and sad all at the same time which almost makes me feel better.

“It’s so beautiful.” It’s not as big as the rock my brother had put on her hand but then Kens has never been that kind of girl.

“White gold and a black diamond, for my little Goth princess,” I whisper, pulling the ring out of the box and holding it out towards her. She’s clutching her hands to her chest and alternatively staring at the ring and then up at me. “You gonna let me put this on you or what?” Sniffing, she finally nods and then holds her hand out towards me. Her hand is visibly shaking and then I realize so is mine as I try and slip the ring on her finger. Her hand is so small and the vintage style band with the swoops and bows that frame the diamond look so tiny in my big, clumsy mitts that I’m afraid I’ll drop the ring or crush her finger or something. “Fuck, look at me. I’m supposed to have good hands or something,” I mutter. It makes her laugh, which is good.

“Eric’s the one with the soft hands,” she tells me as the ring finally slips onto her finger.

“Yeah, you always did like him best.” I try and look serious and fail as she turns those big sapphire orbs of hers’ up at me.

“That’s not true,” she sniffs, her eyes still glistening with tears even as she smiles up at me.

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” I whisper, taking both of her hands in mine and leaning in to kiss her.

“Doesn’t matter,” she whispers back just as my lips are about to press against hers’. “You’ve got me now.”

Friday, March 25, 2011

Chapter 12

“You can’t quit the band to be a WAG.” Crushed isn’t even the right word for the way I feel about the announcement that my best friend has casually made over lunch, like she’s saying she wants to get her nails done, not break up something that’s been both of our whole lives for as long as I can remember.

“Oh c’mon Kens, you and I both know that I’m not really that good a drummer and besides,” she tilts her head to one side and continues to look across the table at me with this elfin grin that hasn’t left her face for a week, “it’s been in the cards for a while now. It’s not just about Max. This is about you.”

“This is our band Daze. That’s why it’s called Thunder Daze. It would be like sawing apart Siamese twins,” I grumble, stabbing at one of the fries on the plate with my fork. I’d really wanted them, and they’re the kind I like, steak cut all hot and salty, but suddenly I have no appetite.

“Maybe for a while it will be babe but I realized something when we did that last video. You’re Gwen Stefani and we’re No Doubt now. No one gives a shit about those guys. I mean, can you name one of them? No, and that’s what Duncs and me and JT are for you now. We’re just background. It’s Gwen Stefani and No Doubt if they even mention the name of the band and that’s exactly what’s gonna happen to us and, well, we all kind of know it. You’re the only one who doesn’t see it.”

If I hadn’t already gone off my Turkey Bacon club, having had a few home truths delivered up cold had turned me off completely. I pushed my food around on the plate and tried to ignore the rising panic that was making my stomach churn and threatening to send the few bites I’d managed so far up the way they’d gone down.

“You’re my partner,” I said quietly, still staring at my plate.

“I’m your security blanket and you’ve got Jordy for that now,” she corrected me. “Hey, I don’t mind, honest. I like being in a band but you know I’ve never really liked all the glam shit anyway. I’ll probably be happier playing in a garage band in Pittsburgh and I guarantee the record company will be happier not having to include the rest of us. Besides,” she added, reaching across the table for my hand, “you’re the writer, the composer, the face of the band. You don’t need the rest of us.” I couldn’t imagine not being on the road with her. I couldn’t imagine not seeing her all the time.

“I don’t know how you can just make a huge decision like this in like...two days,” I sigh, knowing that I’ve got his little girl hopeful expression on my face. Daze smiles and holds my hand in both of hers’.

“I just married the most randy hockey player of all time didn’t I?” she grins and at the same time leaves my argument punched full of holes.

“That you did my friend. That you fucking did.” 

“Way to let the fucking side down mon ami!” Laughing, Flower throws his arms around me and then it’s a massive bromance group hug with half the team piling on. “If you’re going to go to the dark side, what do I tell V?”

“What can I say? I had to do it,” I explain, holding up my hand so everyone can see the gold band on my finger. “I finally met a woman like that who calls me on my shit and keeps me up all night with the most amazing fucking sex ever. I couldn’t let her get away. Fuck, one of you might have got to her,” I add with a quick glance towards Tanger who just grins back like I was right for thinking of it.

“I guess you’ll be next huh Gronk?” Sid turns to Jordan who had followed me into the room.

“Hey, I didn’t drink the Kool-Aid,” he laughs and turns to hang his jacket up in his locker.

“Oh c’mon, you’ve been in love with that girl for years. Are you seriously going to stand there and tell us you’re not going to try and tie her down as soon as you can?” Jordan just raises an eyebrow at Sid and then turns to glare at me.
“What? We’re happy for you!” I laugh but he just rolls his eyes and turns his back.

“I’m not insecure like Talbo. I don’t need to put a ring on it for Kens to be mine,” he replies smugly.

“Yeah, how does Kensey feel about that?” I ask and watch as he edits the smart ass comment he begins to make and then starts to wonder what, exactly, I might mean by that.  “She wanted to marry your brother, remember that you big dork?” I watch as he blows out his big lips, making a sort of horse sounding noise and then scratches his head.

“Talbo has got a point Gronk,” Duper grins at him. “Come to the dark side Staalsy. I can’t wait until you have to get up to change diapers at three in the morning,” he adds with an evil sounding cackle. “Now we just have to work on Flower and Tanger.”

“Laissez moi sortir de cette!” Tanger cries and holds up his hands in front of his face.

“And don’t you go giving V any ideas!” Flower adds, pulling his mask on and holding his stick out like a barrier towards me, like maybe what I’ve done is catching. Funnily enough, the thoughtful look on Gronk’s face says that maybe it is. 


They all want to quit.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard her like this and it’s kind of pissing me off that she’s in Detroit and I’m in New York. This is when the whole long distance thing sucks. She sounds like she needs her boyfriend and I’m sitting in a restaurant waiting to see if my brother will show up.

“Just leave you on the road?” I ask, trying to picture either Duncan or Daze just leaving her high and dry and what kind of fight would have caused that, especially between her and Daisy.  I can’t actually remember the two of them ever fighting though, so it’s kind f hard.

No the end of the tour,” she sniffs and I can easily picture her nose turning red and her sea blue eyes filled with tears. “This is all Max’s fault,” she adds with a sob. My free hand curls into a fist. I know how long she’s wanted this but I also know something about Kens that most people don’t. She has stage fright, big time and I can’t imagine her going on stage with a bunch of strangers.

“And they all want to quit?” I ask as I remind myself to hide Max’s cup when I get back to the rink.

Do you ever just hate Sid for always being the poster boy?” she asks with a sigh and suddenly what she’s talking about becomes crystal clear.

“Well you are a fox babe,” I unclench my fist and reach for the ice water instead. “And yeah, sometimes we all get fed up being the backup singers to Prince Charming, but he gets pretty fed up with all the attention too.” I hear her heave another sigh but at least it sounds like she’s getting her tears under control. “I wish I was there with you,” I add, knowing that just a look, just a squeeze of her hand can go a long way to making me feel better when I’m feeling like a shit. Guess that should have clued me in that she was the one a long time ago.

So is he there yet?” she asks quietly.

“No, not yet.” I glance towards the door, looking for his ginger hair. No sign yet.

I’m glad he agreed to see you. I was worried that he would never speak to either of us again.” I can hear the smile in her voice. I wish I was relieved. I haven’t ordered any food because I’m still pretty sure that Marc might just be coming to kill me. “Have you told Eric or Jared yet?”

“Jared’s fine with it. Whatever, he called it a long time ago. Eric...he says he’ll reserve judgement until Marc forgives me.” She makes a noise; not yes or no, it’s just a noise but it’s covering for something else, probably something she’d like to say about my stick in the mud brother but won’t. My Kens has always been careful like that, always careful about coming in between me and my brothers. “You know I choose you right? Whatever Marc or Eric say, I choose you.”

I love you Jordan.” I grin and get that feeling in the pit of my gut again. I’m really not ever gonna get tired of hearing that. I open my mouth to tell her that I feel the same when a giant hand comes into hard contact with the back of my head.

“I uh...I gotta go babe. I’ll call you later.” Marc slides into the seat across from me and rolls his eyes.

“It’s babe already? Fuck.”

“He’s there, isn’t he?” she asks as I flip him the bird. “Well good luck. You’ve got i.d. on you right? In case he tosses you in the East River? I don’t want to have to come all that way to i.d. your body.”

“They’d probably call Eric, he’s closer anyway. Gotta go. Bye.” I end the call and then lay my iPhone on the table.

“That was Kens, I assume,” Marc begins. I nod, wondering if he’s going to pick up the glass of ice water in front of him and chuck it at me. The back of my head is throbbing just a bit. “How is she?” I start to say ‘fine’ but decide that she wouldn’t want me to do that.

“Actually she’s a little upset...sounds like the rest of the band ‘s a little sick of just being background,” I explain. Marc nods and looks thoughtful for a moment.

“She’ll hate losing Daze. Did she really marry your buddy Max?” he asks, raising his eyebrows.

“She did yeah. How fucked up is that?” We both grin and he shakes his head and then turns to call the waiter over before he turns back to me. “You gonna marry Kens?”

“I think so...yeah.”