Thursday, January 27, 2011

Chapter 9

“Well…isn’t this convenient?” That stony faced defenseman stares down the hall like he’s facing down a power forward. I’m half afraid he’s going to use Jordan as a tackling dummy…or worse.

“It’s not like that,” Jordan pauses, meeting his brother’s glare warily. I’ve seen them face off this way before over something as simple as who was wearing what t-shirt. “She didn’t know I was here,” he adds, as if I’m not there at all.

“You actually want me to believe that.” It’s like being caught in the crossfire of duel. I want to duck. I want to walk out and take both bullets. Mostly I want them to stop. I don’t want to hear the sarcasm dripping from Marc’s sweet mouth. I don’t want to see the defensiveness in Jordy’s blue eyes. I want to hold them both and the worst thing in the world is, I know I can’t. I know I have to let this, whatever this is, happen.

“Whatever you want to think of me, don’t think she’d ever do that. She’s not like that and you know it.” It’s like a god damn train wreck. I don’t want to look but I can’t look away, probably because I love them both.

“She must have left me for some reason and you’ve always been sniffing around, so why not? Why not have you coming in the back door when I go out the front?” I tell myself that he’s saying it from somewhere inside that’s hurt but that doesn’t stop it from being painful.

“It’s not the way it looks,” Jordan digs his toe into the carpet and hangs his head. He’s lying...or not exactly lying but he isn’t telling the truth either and if I know it....

“Isn’t it? C’mon bro, you and I both know it’s just like that and alright, maybe...maybe she didn’t know but that doesn’t make it less true, does it?” I can’t take my eyes off of Jordan and I realize that I’m actually leaning towards him, waiting for him to say something...wanting him to say something. I’m biting my lip and digging my fingernails into the palms of my hands. Part of my head is saying that I should be trying to intervene, to placate Marc and defend Jordan but I just keep staring at him, willing him to say something....pleading silently to hear the words....

“This isn’t her fault,” Jordan mumbles and then he glances up at me through his hair, all that blonde out of control too long lazy boy hair and the ache in his eyes matches the ache in my chest and I don’t know how I stay where I am, how I don’t run to him and bury my face in his chest and scream ‘yes, yes, yes!’.

I didn’t know how much I wanted him to want this until it’s clear in that one look that he’s guilty of exactly what Marc’s accusing him of.  But he only lets me see it for a minute and then he goes back to studying the hotel carpet like it’s so fucking fascinating he can’t look away.

“No, no it’s not all her fault.” Now I have to look back at Marc. The sadness and the underlying anger in his voice tears a huge gaping hole in my chest and then the accusatory look he sends my way makes my knees buckle. “If she wanted to choose you in the first place, then she should have had the balls to just do it instead of taking the safe option.” He says it as if he’s talking to Jordan but it’s me he’s looking at and it’s me he’s aiming that disappointed expression that I thought only his mother could muster.

“That isn’t fair,” I reply, coming to my own defence, finally.

“Well that is what you call me isn’t it?” Marc shrugs, like it doesn’t matter except that the anger in his eyes says it does. “I’m the safe one, the responsible one, the Staal with none of the downside; isn’t that what you tell your friends?” I open my mouth to argue but there’s no point. I’ve said all of those things and in front of him too, on more than one occasion. So I’m left standing there, silently pleading with him with my hands out, wanting forgiveness but he just shakes his head and smiles bitterly. “Did you ever even love me?” he asks quietly and I can see him struggle not to look at his brother, whose presence we can both feel. This isn’t a conversation we should be having in front of Jordan. It’s not fair to Marc to have to ask that question out loud. He shouldn’t have to.

“You know I love you,” I reply sincerely, telling myself I should go to him but I don’t. My feet don’t obey my brain’s command.

“I thought I did,” Marc sighs, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets and glancing down the hall at Jordan. I don’t look back. I’m fairly sure if I do I won’t be able to look back. “I’m pretty sure I don’t now,” he adds, trying to sound sarcastic but it just comes out half mumbled, thick with emotion he’s trying not to show.

“Marc....” I hold my arms open, like I want him to walk into them, because I do want to comfort him but he isn’t looking at me. He’s not looking at either of us. Now it’s my ginger’s turn to stare at his feet. “Marc please,” I beg, tears running down my face. “Please,” I repeat, sniffing. I want to kiss away the frown on his face. I want to hug away the tension in his shoulders. I want bury my face in his chest and tell him that it’s all going to be alright. Neither of us moves and no one says a word for a long time and then he glances up at me and his eyes that have always looked to me like sun kissed waves suddenly look like storm tossed seas. “Do you love him Kens? Do you?” 

It’s fucking unbearable. Standing here, waiting to hear her answer. Waiting for her to tell my brother the words I want so fucking bad to hear that my stomach hurts and I’m wondering if I’m going to hurl. It’s just like being on the ice for those last few seconds of game seven against Detroit. My heart is hammering in my chest like one of those big drums Taiko drummers wail away at. My head is throbbing like I’ve just woken up after a weekend of Tequila and Jello shots at Talbo’s place. Most of all I can’t fucking breathe. I mean I try to. I open my mouth and try to suck wind but it’s like the air around us has gotten sucked away somewhere. It’s worse than coming off the ice after a bag skate.

“God damn it Kens, just fucking say it!” Marc suddenly roars and Kensey’s entire body shudders like he’s hit her. I don’t need to see her face to know that she’s crying and it’s crazy fucking hard to stand back like this, to not go to her, to not at least stand beside her, to let her know I’m there with her that she isn’t alone in this. My hands are balled into fists in my jacket. I want to punch something but strangely enough, not Marc. This was never his fault and it’s not now. I feel bad. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. “Do you Kens? Do you love him?”

Now I’m just plain old holding my fucking breath. I promised Marc a long time ago that as long as they were together, as long as she made it evident that she was with him that I wouldn’t interfere. He knew...he knows I’ve always had a thing for her, that it’s always been her or at least that no one else has ever really measured up to her for me, but what he wasn’t sure of, what both of us are waiting to hear is how she feels. I’ve always thought she had really fallen in love with him but....

“I do...yeah.”

My knees almost give. I almost end up kneeling there gasping for breath like some kind of guppy that’s jumped out of a fucking fish bowl.

She loves me. Holy fucking shit, she loves me.

I promised not to interfere but now...all I can think of is that’s a green light...or is it? My knees are shaking and my hands are clammy, sweating.  I keep rubbing them down my thighs, trying to dry them off while I stare at her back, willing her to turn and look at me. I want to the expression on her face when she says it again. I want her to say it again.

“Happy now?” I’m staring at the back of Kensey’s head and it’s like his voice is intruding on this amazing moment and I want to fucking punch him in the mouth but I remind myself that he’s my brother and that matters and that no matter what I’m feeling, which is pretty much like I could fly right about now, that he’s probably feeling the opposite.

“I don’t know yet,” I manage, dialling down my urge to grab Kensey up and do some kind of fucking jig. “Am I Kens? Do I have something to be happy about?”

“Ma chère,” I can barely breathe and Daze doesn’t even look like she’s breaking a sweat. “You’re going to kill me or break my dick,” I add, sliding my hands up her thighs to her waist. She just grins down at me as she runs her fingers through her hair and continues to grind over top of me. I’m not really complaining but I can’t remember the last time a girl outlasted me. I mean, I am a professional athlete, a fine tuned machine, I can go for hours.

“Are you complaining?” she purrs, leaning forward and running her hands up my ribs until she’s rolling my nipples beneath the pads of her thumbs like she’s working a couple of game controllers. Her breasts press softly against my stomach and she’s wearing this absolutely sexy grin.

“No, damn, qu’il serait impossible!” I groan, sliding my hands around to cup her ass. She giggle when I give one of her curvaceous cheeks a light smack. “I am just getting the feeling I won’t be sleeping tonight and no, before you ask, I won’t complain about that either.”

“Well, Kensey did say that you how did she put it?” she looks thoughtful for a moment and then grins impishly. “Oh yeah, she said that you were a voracious lover. Why do you think I’ve been trying to get you into the sack this whole time?” I’m supposed to be flattered. No I am flattered, but now I’m thinking about Kensey and not Daisy and as much as it’s been fun, no, good with Daze it was...mind blowing, life altering, existence changing with Kensey. I mean, c’mon, we wrecked a hotel room and I had to pay for it. “Oh my god,” Daze uses my chest to push herself up and then she stares down at me, at first with wide eyes and then with Mrs. Potato Head angry eyes. “You’re thinking about her....I’m fucking you and you’re thinking about her.”

“Non, chère, you have it wrong,” I grab at her arm, her leg but she’s too quick and she’s off me and off of the bed and searching the room for her clothing before I can even blink. “’s not what you think,” I moan, lying there on the bed staring up at the ceiling. “Ma petite, don’t get upset....”

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not upset,” she begins but her voice is dripping with acid. “You think I’m not used to this? That I haven’t lived my whole life being used to this? The great Kensey Connor, the fucking hot Kensey Thunder. No, I get it. Don’t worry. I’m fucking used to it,” she snaps, dragging her panties on and searching through the rest of our clothes, tossing mine at me without looking up.

“It’s just made me think of her for a moment, merde!” I groan, grabbing my shirt and pants but not putting them on. “Daze, you’re...a firecracker,” I begin only to have her turn and glare at me like she’d just been possessed by some kid of vengeful demon, her eyes narrowed, her lips pressed together in a thin line.

“Oh, you’re so romantic Max! A firecracker? Like I haven’t heard enough cracks about my hair growing up around the Pyatt’s and the Staals? Don’t say I’m pretty or even cute, but a firecracker...shit,” she growls and then shakes her head as she goes back to sliding her bra strap over her shoulder.

“That isn’t what I meant and you know it,” I grumble, dropping my head into my hands. “Kensey was looking fucking hot in that catsuit and I still came here with you and....” At the sound of a maniacal cackle that sounds like it could be coming from a Halloween special effects soundboard, I glance up to find Daze, now fully clothed, staring back at me in disbelief, hands on hips.
“Do you even listen to yourself?” she laughs and shakes her head. “Jesus I want to believe it’s some kind of ESL thing Max but I think it’s just that you think I should be fucking grateful for your attention or something. Well for your information, Super stud, I bet I can go down to the lobby right now and find someone else who will appreciate having sex with me!” And with that she turns and heads for the door and leaves me hopping from one foot to the other trying to get into my pants as I try to follow her out the door.

“You know that’s not what I meant, damn it woman!” I call after her, tugging my pants up and barely getting them zipped up before I fall flat on my face in the hallway while she storms down the hallway, walking faster than I thought her short, but sexy legs could carry her.

“Fuck you, you egotistical asshole!” she calls back over her shoulder at me, flipping me the bird while she continues to charge ahead. Damn it I wish I didn’t think crazy women are so damn sexy. 

“I don’t know yet,” I feel  Jordan’s breath on the back of my neck  and it makes me shiver. I’m still looking at Marc and he’s staring at me like I’ve just stuck a meat cleaver straight into his heart. It makes my chest hurt and I can’t stop crying or shaking. I can feel Jordan looming behind me, and there’s a part of me that wants to reach back for his hand, to have the comfort of the feel of his skin on mine. There’s also another part of me that still wants to go to Marc. I feel like I’m being torn apart and not just into two pieces but more like a hundred and two. ? “Am I Kens? Do I have something to be happy about?” He doesn’t sound impatient, or angry, but the gentle brush of his fingertips at the back of my neck tells me wants an answer, and he wants it now.

“I...I...,” I don’t know the answer, or I do but am afraid to say it out loud. I feel like I’m about to let go of the only thing holding me together, tethering me to the ground and I’m afraid that when I let go...I’m afraid of what will happen.

“Okay you and me, have to talk, now!” It’s like I’ve been in some alternate universe and Daze’s hand locking around my wrist suddenly drags me back into reality. I don’t even get a chance to adjust as I find myself staggering behind her into the hotel room I’d just been in with Marc and then I’m sitting on the bed and she’s talking but I’m not hearing her. All I can think is that Marc hates me and Jordan loves me. That’s the only two thoughts in my head. “Hello? Earth to Kens? Did you hear anything I just said?”

“Ummm I guess,” I admit, blinking as I look up at her. She’s still not in focus and her voice still sounds like it’s far away.  “I’m sorry Daze...what happened? Where’s Max?”

“I thought you said he was some kind of fucking monster in the sack and he was just letting me be in control which is fine but...wait, what’s going on with you? Was that Jordan and Marc out there?” We both turn and look at the door and Jordan’s standing there, still half in the hallway, propping open the door. He’s not looking at Daze. He’s looking at me wearing a cautious half smile.

“Hey,” I whisper, feeling my mouth pulling itself into a grin.

“Hey,” he smiles back, and then closes the door, which for some reason makes me smile even wider, wide enough it almost makes my cheeks hurt.

“What did I miss?” Daze asks, looking from me to Jordy and back. “Fuck, did you finally grow a sac?” she asks, looking at him. “Did you tell her?” she asks, looking at me.

“No, not yet,” he replies, his gaze never leaving mine.

“Oh...oh fuck...and I’m just bitching about Max. I’ll leave you two alone,” she mumbles, moving to grab my old Peterborough Pete’s jersey to pull on over her bra.

“That’s okay Daze,” he says quietly, taking a couple of steps into the room, his gaze still holding mine. “It can wait.”

“Yeah, D, what’s up, what happened?” I ask, tearing my gaze away from Jordan’s to look at Daze who’s standing in front of me, staring at the two of us with this strange look on her face.

“Oh fuck, why does everything you do have to be more important than what I’m doing?” she snaps but she doesn’t sound or even look angry, just tired. Maybe a little fed up.

“Daze, seriously you have to believe me when I say....,” Max bursts through the door and then stops and looks at all of us in turn. “So have you told her?” he asks, looking straight at Jordan who just shakes his head, still wearing a quirky grin. “Tabernack mon ami, spit it out!” he laughs and then walks right past Jordan to grab a hold of Daze’s wrist in the same way she’d grabbed a hold of me. “And you, come with me. I’m not finished with you,” he growls and then starts to drag her behind him, with Daze protesting the entire way and looking back at me, like I should help, as if I’d be any kind of help to anyone right at this moment.

We both watch them go and then Jordan walks over to the door, turns the deadbolt and slides the chain across and then he turns back and leans against the door. For a moment he closes his eyes and blows out a long breath, leaning against his hands. Then, slowly, he raises his head and opens his sky blue eyes and looks over at me and smiles.

“ love me huh?”

Friday, January 14, 2011

Chapter 8

Of course he’d go after her, the minute he knew that Marc wasn’t on the scene. Of course he’d ignore his friend’s feelings and do what the head in his pants told him to do.

Pounding my fist against the steering wheel I promise myself that when I find him, teammate or not, I’m going to kick Max Talbot’s ass. I am going to kick his ass and then I’m going to beat him black and blue.

Pressing hard on the gas, I push my car to the limits of safety, weaving in and out of traffic, cursing slow moving vehicles and tossing the finger at any car that gets in my way. Not at the drivers. I’m going to fucking fast to see faces. I have to get there before he does something that will make me kill him.

I keep thinking about how vulnerable she must be feeling and that I’ve had a hand in that and what a fucking moron I’ve been this whole fucking time. This is exactly why she went to Marc and not me. I’m always thinking about myself. I’ve been thinking about rehab and my hand and my foot. I’ve been thinking about how much I want to play; me, me fucking me. That’s exactly why she said she had to choose Marc.

It still hurts. Not all the time. I don’t think about it all the time but sometimes I do and then it hurts. It used to hurt because it felt like she had no faith in me. Now it hurts because I feel something and I don’t know what to do with those feelings. For so long I’ve denied having those feelings. To her face, yeah but mostly to Marc’s and yeah, I guess mine too.

“What were you gonna do at their wedding genious?" I shake my head at myself. I can picture it in my head, the minister asking something about anyone having any objections and me running up the aisle and spewing out all my feelings like some kind of fucking loser….

And what would Kensey do?

That’s why I haven’t said anything, why I’m still not sure I will. After all, she made it crystal fucking clear that I was never gonna be the kind of man she would consider marrying. I’m never going to be as responsible as Eric or as reliable as Marc but that doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t mean I don’t have fucking feelings!

I slam on the brakes as I’m about to rear end a stopped eighteen wheeler. My hands shake on the wheel and I’m breathing as hard as I would after a p k shift. Putting my forehead on the wheel, I take a few deep breaths.

“You can’t kill Max if you don’t get there alive,” I tell myself, shutting my eyes and banging my head a few times against the top of the steering wheel. “C’mon Gronk. Get it together.”

The blaring of a car horn behind me is a not so gentle reminder that the light’s green and the truck in front of me is already half way through the intersection. A glance at the GPS tells me that I’ve got another hour to go.

Go go gadget sports car.

“Call me in the morning when you’re ready to leave,” I yawn as Duncan hands me my key card as we walk out of the elevator on the floor of the hotel.

“Or do you want me to just come in there an’ pick you up an’ put you over me shoulder an’ carry you out like a sack of potatoes?” Duncan offers with a gleam in his eye. “Maybe you want to go an’ join wee Daze and that boy Max down the hall?”

“No, god no,” I mutter, stifling another yawn. “I think I’ve sworn off men for a while,” I add as I glance at the door numbers as we pass them. “I am glad that her room is nearer yours than mine though,” I add, “because I am done in.”

“We were planning on sleeping on your floor tonight. I don’t want to listen to Daze screaming,” Johnny T shudders and then makes a Mr. Yuck face.

“Which is worse, Daze screaming or Dunc snoring? I’m sleeping in the bath, alone.” I laugh, elbowing him in the ribs. He grabs his midsection and stumbles into the wall, like he’s been shot, sliding down the wall and groaning. I’m reaching for his arm, to pull him up when I see a shape out of the corner of my eye. I know the shape, know without having to actually see all of that shape, who it is and what it means. “Shit!” I curse quietly as Johnny follows my gaze and get very sober and very quiet before he looks up at me with an expression that clearly asks if I’m going to need backup. One shake of my head has him scrambling to his feet.

“C’mon Duncs, let’s go see if Cristina’s still down in the bar.” I hear the boys retreating down the hall, leaving me alone to deal with my own mess. I feel his eyes on me, waiting but I can’t quite make myself face him yet. I’m still frozen there as if Johnny’s still sprawled on the floor. I’m waiting too; waiting for him to say something so I’ll know why he’s here.

“Kens…we need to talk.” Nodding, I turn and walk towards the door he’s leaning against. Without looking up at him, I put the key card in the lock and watch the little led lights turn green and then I push the door open and he follows me inside.

“Daisy pleasssse,” I beg but she only rolls those clover green eyes of hers’ up at me and grins around my dick and then goes back to mercilessly teasing me with her lips, her tongue and her hands.

I watch her slide her mouth down over the length of me, slowly swirling her tongue around the width of my cock the entire way and all the while, one hand is slowly jerking the base of my dick while she gently but firmly digs the nails of her other hand into my sac. If it wasn’t for the fact that I’m leaning against the wall, I’d have probably passed out a while ago. It feels like all of the blood in my body is in my cock. I can’t feel my extremities anymore and my brain switched off at least an hour ago when she slid her talented hands into my jeans while her tongue was down my throat.

Not that I’m complaining, but she’s still fully clothed. Well, she’s still in her underwear and that’s a bit frustrating. It was a long drive and if I’m going to stay the night, and at this rate I’ll have little choice, it’s going to be a long drive back and what I want most right now is to bury my dick deep inside of her.

But this is good too.

“Don’t you like this Max?” she asks as she strokes her hand slowly but firmly from the base to the tip before sliding the head of my dick back into her mouth, her gaze holding mine the entire time.

“Oh I do,” I reply through clenched teeth as she slowly slides my dick down over her tongue until she can’t take anymore. “I…I just want to do something for you,” I tell her, pressing my hands flat to the wall. I want to fist my hands in her hair and fuck her sweet mouth until I pour my seed down her throat. Or better yet, pull her mouth off of my cock, drag her to the bed, push her ankles back by her ears and fuck her senseless.

“Mmm mm,” she replies with the slightest shake of her head, her mouth full. Sliding my dick out of her mouth, she rolls her tongue around the head and then digs the tip of her tongue into the divot, making me squirm. “Later…after,” she grins up at me, turning her head to the side and running the flat of her tongue up the underside of my dick. “And then believe me,” she adds, giving my sac a firm squeeze that makes me groan out loud, “I’ll make you work.”

I open my mouth to tell her I’ll be happy to eat her out for the rest of the night if she’ll just let me fuck her, but before I can get out a single syllable, she drags her teeth down the length of my wood and the only sound I can make is something unintelligible.

The arena is empty and dark. I’m too fucking late. They’re already loading equipment into a truck. I look around for a bus, some kind of vehicle she might be in, but all I see is the boxes Daze’s drum kit is in. I know they’re hers’ because of the glow in the dark green skull and crossbones emblazoned on them. Jumping out of the car, I run up to the roadie and stop him from loading the last box into the truck, praying that if they’re already gone, they didn’t leave long ago.

“Where are they?” I ask. The guy who’s pushing the box looks back at me with wide eyes. Sometimes I forget that I’m a pretty big guy. I guess when you work with a bunch of other big guys it seems pretty normal.

“They who, man?” he asks, turning his baseball hat around backwards and trying to look nonchalant.

“These guys,” I bang on the top of the box with my fist. “The band this stuff belongs to.” I’m glad I’ve never gotten into smoking weed as I watch him look down at the box with this puzzled look on his face. He takes off his ball cap and scratches his head. His long, greasy looking hair is thinning on top. He makes a face, like he’s concentrating really hard, and then it’s like the light goes on and he brightens up, smiling, showing a row of crooked teeth.

“Oh, they’re all back at the hotel. The bus doesn’t leave until tomorrow morning.”

I want to kiss the guy but instead I just run back to my car, which is when I remember that I don’t know what hotel that I’m about to try and find.

“Uh…which hotel?” I yell back at him only to have him stop and scratch his head again, looking perplexed, like thinking is hard. Jared does that sometimes.

“The big one…a couple blocks…I think it has a blue sign.” You have to be kidding right?

“Right! I’ll find it. Thanks,” I call back. Blue sign, how hard can it be to find?

“How did you get here?” I ask, looking out the window instead of at him. I haven’t decided yet what is going to happen when I do. My hands are shaking and my heart is racing, my mouth is dry and my entire body feels like a bow that’s been strung too tight. 

“There’s a few benefits to making over three mill a year,” he replies quietly. I can tell he’s still by the door, safely across the room and I wonder if he’s keeping his distance it for me or for him. “I chartered a flight.”

“If you were a chick I’d think you were coming here to tell me you’re pregnant but since you’re not…?” I leave the question open ended. I’m afraid he’s going to tell me he’s already found someone else and half afraid that he won’t.

“I was…I was kind of hoping that you’d changed your mind,” he replies quietly and a shudder runs down my spine.

Did I want to hear that? I look over my shoulder at him, with his head down, looking at his shoes and he’s the Marc that was waiting for me on the other side of the gym that night when I came out from under the bleachers and he knew that I’d been talking to Jordan. He was wearing the same face then that he is now, waiting, certain that I was going to tell him something that he didn’t want to hear.

“I haven’t,” I begin and see him nod, like that was exactly what he was ready for me to say. “I haven’t decided what I want.” I turn to face him, leaning back against the window. The cool pane feels good against my back.

“I’ve missed you,” he says simply, finally looking up at me with those aquamarine eyes of his that have always reminded me of the colour of the water off Montego Bay. “The apartment feels empty without you there.” I don’t know how to answer that, or even if it requires an answer so I just nod. “This is when you’re supposed to say you’ve missed me too,” he prompts, looking over at me with this rueful smile.

“I have,” I admit with a shrug.

“But…?” he prompts again and again I’m forced to shrug.

“I don’t know. I haven’t figured things out yet,” I reply honestly and I can see the hurt in his eyes, even though he does his best to keep control over his expression, keep his big bad defenseman mask on.

“So…how long do you think that will take?” he asks, his voice very quiet, controlled, like he’s barely holding on. Everything in me wants to go to him, to smooth the worry lines in his forehead, the tension lines around his eyes. Instead, I lean against my hands and shrug my shoulders, again.

“I wish I could tell you,” I whisper in reply, “but I just don’t know.”

“Oh god yes, harder, oh god yessssssssssss!”

It’s like having a fucking cheering section, laugh track and a marching band all rolled into one, curvaceous, sexy red headed package. I’m half afraid my balls are gonna bust wide fucking open but it’s been two hours and she hasn’t let me finish yet. She’s riding me like she’s giving me a lap dance, her body writhing like a snake being charmed out of a basket, and I’m as mesmerized by the curve at the small of her back and the slope of her breasts as the snake is by the flute.

Every time I’m about to cum, she’ll stop and do something else, switch positions or beg me to go down on her. I’m light headed from lack of blood in my brain, but I don’t care if I stroke out now. Fuck, I’d die happy.

“Yeah, you like that ma petite?” I ask, pushing up into her and pulling her hips down at the same time.

“Oh yeah, yeah, so good,” she hums happily, biting down on her bottom lip as she throws her head back, shaking out her Pippi Longstocking locks. Sliding my hands up over the soft round globes of her breasts, I roll her nipples between my finger and thumb and she smiles and tightens her muscles around my cock. I groan and shut my eyes. My balls ache for release. “Ah Max, do you want to cum?” she asks, grinding down onto me and licking her full lips. “Do you?” All I can do is nod as she raises a single eyebrow at me and smiles. I think she wants me to beg. I’m not sure I have the energy to.

“Please ma petite fleur, it won’t be the last, I can safely promise you that.” This is good, her on top, but I still want to drive myself into her with her legs spread wide. I want to plumb the depths of her tight little twat. I don’t mind not being in control, that’s not my thing, but I’m not exactly a classic bottom either.

With a wide, wild looking grin, she arches her back and reaches for my thighs with her hands and suddenly my brain goes blank. It’s not just her taught little tummy with its shiny diamond pendant or her high, firm perky little tits pointing skyward that has my brain spitting out wingdings, it’s the way everything tightens around my dick and I go from zero to a hundred in a split second and I know I’m about to let go….

And then the door bursts open.

“Non! Non non, merde! Non!” I cry as Daisy twists to see who’s at the door and instead of being as pissed to see him as I am, she grins and does some kind of gymnastic twist and jumps off of the bed and runs into his arms.

“Which room? Which room?” I’m passed the point of even speak in whole sentences when I grab Duncan off of the bar stool he’s sitting at nursing a tall Guinness.

“Jordy, me old mate!” he grins at me like he’s happy to see it. I want to ask him if he can’t see that I’m in a fucking hurry but he’s too busy slapping my back. “It’s like old home week. Whatcha doin’ ‘ere mate?”

“Where is she?” This gets his attention but he just stares at me like what I’m saying is confusing. I’m pretty sure I’m speaking fucking English, which I know is not the fucking gibberish he yaks in but…. “Kens, where the fuck is she?” I ask, grabbing him by the lapels and shaking him.

“Alright mate, calm down. She’s upstairs but I think you should know….”

“I know, I know he’s up there with her. What room?” I plead, feeling desperate. If I’m right and she’s already been with him for hours….

“Shit mate, whatever. I think it’s two oh eight but I don’t think you wanna go up there now,” Duncan insists again but I just toss him aside and head for the nearest elevator and then decide against that and head up the stairs, taking them three at a time.

I can hear the fucking porno sounds all the way down the hall. I want to cry. I can’t think of the last time I wanted to fucking cry. I’ve finally figured out what I want and she’s in there, fucking Max. Half of me doesn’t want to see it, her in his arms, but the other half has already gone all Hulk and I don’t even look at the room numbers. I just find the room where all the noise is coming from and kick it in.


I expected cursing and ‘close the door’ and maybe even squeals of embarrassment. I definitely expected Max to be cursing me a blue streak in French. I didn’t expect to have Daze jump, naked, into my arms. I have to catch her or have her knock us both backwards into the hall.

I had all these things that I was going to say and now I’m speechless as I stare at Max who’s lying on the bed looking decidedly and understandably pissed, covering his man bits with a pillow while I hold onto what I’m guessing was, just a moment ago, his…uh, entertainment.

“When did you get here?” Daze asks, like I haven’t just walked in on her having sex, like she’s not naked, but then that’s Daze. She’s never been worried about shit like that. If we were going skinny dipping, she was the first one in. If anyone was playing truth or dare, she was the first to pick dare. If we were playing strip poker, I’d swear she lost on purpose.

“Just now but…I thought…I thought you came to see Kens,” I tell Max and he rolls his eyes and shrugs.

“Silly Jordey,” Daze laughs as I put her down and try not to look while she skips back to the bed and wraps herself around Max who’s still staring daggers at me. Something tells me next practice I’m getting a slap shot in the nuts.

“Can you go now?” Max asks, making the universal ‘get lost’ sweeping motion with his hand.

“I’m…fuck I’m sorry man I thought…so…where is she?” I ask, turning to Daze who grins back at me without the slightest hint of self consciousness or annoyance.

“Down in the bar with Duncs?” she suggests and then, when I shake my head, she shrugs and then gets that big, mischievous grin that I know means nothing but trouble. “Wanna play Nicky Nicky nine doors?”

“Nah,” I have to smile as I back out of the room, “I’ll figure it out. I’m really…man I’m….”

“Fucking close the door behind you, merde man!” Max snaps, throwing something at me that luckily misses as I pull the door shut behind me, or as best I can. It’s kind of off now, not really sitting right on the hinges. I stand there for a minute, listening to Daze’s high pitched giggle.

Man I guess I was wrong.

Now what?

“So that’s it? I’m supposed to wait around for you to figure out…what are you trying to figure out?” Marc asks gently.
“I’m not really sure,” I reply honestly, moving over to the bed and sitting on the end of it. I pat the spot beside me. He stares at it for a second and then pushes off from where he’s been leaning on the door and walks over and sits beside me. He reaches for my hand, like always and like always I put my hand in his and watch it disappear. We sit there for a long time like that, not saying anything. It feels weird; normal, but strained at the same time. “I can’t ask you to wait,” I say quietly and he doesn’t answer. He just sits there next to me, his thigh pressed to mine, his head down. He’s looking at our hands too. I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing. It feels normal but not…right.

“If I knew what I did…what I could do?” he looks up at me and it breaks my heart, the hurt and confusion in his eyes. I can’t help but reach out and touch his face, stroke his cheek.

“It’s not you it’s….” Marc laughs and shakes his head.

“I didn’t think people actually said shit like that.” We both smile and I drop my hand. It does sound so cliché but I don’t know how else to say it.

“I thought I was ready. I guess I’m not.” It’s the only thing I can say and it’s the truth. “I don’t really know what else I can tell you.”

“So you’re on this tour and…maybe when you get back…?” he doesn’t give voice to the rest of the question that hangs there, unsaid, making the air heavy and hard to breathe. Will I have it figured out by the time the tour is over, will I move back in with him.

“I don’t know,” I shrug, feeling tears well up in my eyes. “I wish I could tell you something else, especially after you came all this way.” I want to thank him for not asking me to leave the band, for not being an ass about this. “I know you’ve always thought that you came second to the band but it’s not about that.” It’s one of the few things I know for sure. Marc nods, once, a half smile on his face.

“And Jordan?” he asks and my heart stops beating.

“What about him?” I ask, turning my attention to stare at the floor. I feel like a kid that’s been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

“How much of this is about him?” he asks, and when I glance over at him, he’s staring at the floor, like he doesn’t want to see the expression on my face, like maybe he’s hoping that I’ll lie to him. Part of me wants to, after all, I don’t know what I’m even feeling when it comes to Jordan, but I’ve always been honest with Marc.

“Some,” I reply, and my chest tightens and it’s hard to breathe. Marc nods and then he gets up, even though he’s still holding onto my hand. He pulls me to my feet and then we’re walking towards the door.

“Good luck on the tour,” he says quietly, turning to me even as his other hand goes to the door. I nod, tears streaking down my face. His smile widens a little but it doesn’t reach his eyes as he reaches up to cup my cheek. He looks down at me like he’s trying to memorize my face and then he presses his lips to my forehead. “Tell Jordan I hate him,” he whispers, and then he lets go of my hand and turns to go out the door. I grab a hold of him and cling to him, fisting my hands in his windbreaker and pressing my face to the middle of his back.

“I love you Marky…I do,” I cry. I think I hear him say that he knows or something like that but he doesn’t turn around or try to come back. He just waits, patiently for me to let him go and then he opens the door and starts to walk away, only turning back when he gets to the elevator doors. He lifts a hand to wave goodbye, and part of me wants to run to him and drag him back, but I don’t. I just lift my hand too, and then I don’t wave, because Jordan’s standing at the very end of the hall, watching both of us with his hands balled into fists at his sides, looking like he’s ready to kill.